“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.” -Lemony Snicket
Hi. I am a 16-year-old, American student currently living in Spain, and I have found myself forgetting my English vocabulary. My full name is Drew Michael Klopfer, but people here call me Andrés Miguel Klopfer. More about me. I am originally an Ohioan. Go Bucks! and now am a resident of the Comunitat Valenciana. As I said, the constant speaking of Spanish and/or Valenciano has made it practically impossible for me to remember any grammar or vocabulary that I learned while in America. Please feel free to give me constructive criticism. It’s good for me. I’m the League of Awesomenness’s Señor del Suspenso (Lord of Suspense).
All good writers start as children chasing fantasy through car windows.
Sincerely,
Grad Up
Stories
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Evangelistic Behavior
He lifted the steaming burger to his drooling mouth, nails sinking into the sesame-seed bun like talons on an eagle. A ribbon of scent fluttered past the noses of the student Vegetarian Club. Each one wearing a miserable frown of desire or disgust. The...
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ƒ(x)=2x-5
“Is the equation a function?” “Yes.” “Correct.” “Your shirt.” “What is the domain of the equation?” “All real numbers.” “Correct.” “Your pants.” “What...
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On Tuesdays I Make Cupcakes
Marvin had his gun pointed straight at my forehead, and I could see in his eyes that he was picturing the bullet cracking my skull like an egg. Yes, I had been cheating on him with Bill, but still…a gun is a bit much. The egg timer, comically sha...
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Shangri-La of Anorexia
I am forever swimming in a giant chocolate sundae. The walls of the glass are to tall to climb out, but I would never have the urge to leave. The three types of rich chocolate swirl around my body; each flavor tingling against my tongue. I grasp onto t...
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Old Pots Break Easily
As I watch the slow culmination of my life, I hold my final product. It’s a swan. The clay curved. A long neck. The pure beauty of the creature in clay form. A tear trickles down my cheek. I can’t help think about what could have been. Alas...
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15 words: Part 27
As the police entered, he tried not to think about Washington’s body in the kitchen.
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The Foul Ficly
Dear Reader, I just finished reading Spring, the ever faithful friend by Sastina Adeliz. A short, beautiful snippet about the oncoming wonders of a new spring. That story, I assure you, is filled with happiness and joy. Therefore, if you want to read a...
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The Brellabee Slug
Timmy and Gracie sat on the ground. They sat and they sat but nothing was found. A rock, a twig, but never a bug. Until Timmy saw it. A brellabee slug. He picked it up. Up in the air. And dropped it on, Gracie’s blond hair. “AAAAAAAAaaaaaa...
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Autumn in a Café
That’s when I saw her, out of the corner of my eye, dipping her tuna melt into a fresh glass of orange juice. My first thought, of course, was actually about how weird to soggy up a tuna sandwich with orange juice. But then, I looked down at my p...
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Amateur Pottery
I have a ball of clay. It is shaped into a perfect sphere. I can change that. I can make it into something beautiful. I can make it into something plain. I can make it into something unique. I have a ball of clay. It can be burned. It can be stabbed. I...
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Spring!
The internal suffering of all my organs being squished at once is a mere inconvenience in comparison to the mind throbbing headaches that rise up from the balloon that used to be my nasal cavity. Yay! Woohoo, it’s spring again! Just let me ask yo...
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Jealousy is a Prison
Jealousy is what they feel when they see me on the other side of the metal bars.
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The Cancer of My Perfect Life in Suburbia
Every day, I wake up to my normal routine in ‘middle-of-nowhere’ America. Still in my royal-blue pajamas, I enter our cream-tiled, master bathroom. I brush my teeth. I put on my black suit, buckle my black belt, lace my black shoes, and tie...
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The Bible for Dummies
“So God made light, then Heaven, then Earth, then animals, then man, then woman, and then told them to be fruitful and multiply, and then a bunch more things happened…and here we are today! So, will you convert so I can sleep with you?̶...
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Losing Scarlet and Sanity to a Raven and a Desk
“Riddle me this…Why is a raven like a writing desk?” said Time deviously, “If you don’t find the answer, you’ll never see scarlet again and chaos will fill the land of wonders!” Time disappeared, leaving The Hatter...
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Pavlov's Dogs (Horror in a Sentence)
The bell chimed, the dogs began to salivate, and another human fell through their feeding chute.
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Tim
No! This is not how it’s supposed to be! We’re still in Middle School for Christ’s sake. Tim slouched in his seat as he heard the announcement. He remembered looking at the High School kids. Touching, holding, kissing… I just wa...
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Thou Shalt not Touch
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Fate: Out of Control
The image of the corpse got smaller in my rear-view mirror. Why was he under my car? As I gained speed with the road, I realized the answer; he cut my brakes. John reached for his lighter. Grasping it, he started trying, once again, to light his cigare...
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Chance Encounter
Where was I? Oh yes, John Baker was running away from an East-side gang. To this day, I don’t know why. Now, this was a year after graduation. I’d heard through rumors that John had hit rock-bottom. Not that I did any better. I continued be...
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Black Cadillac
So, you want to know the story of my death. Well, John tried to light his cigarette while running away from a gang of knife-wielding druggies from the East-side, but the wind kept blowing out his lighter. Wait, let me think. I guess I really should sta...
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Dude! He's not a lion whisperer.
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The Dream Doctor
The Dream Keeper went to her room last night. She tossed, she turned. Lost and burned. His tapestry weaving a nightmare in her mind. The Dream Catcher went to her room last night. He wrestled, he fought. The dream was caught. She woke from her wretched...
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From Tim to Matt
Hey Matt. Don’t you dare tell anyone about this, or it could mean my death. Or worse I could be off the basketball team. My bro gave me a bag of weed, and I dunno what to do. I thought since ur kinda emo or goth or something, you could help me. W...
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D is for Dangerous
“D is for *D*angerous,” said Brian D. Agustine, world’s greatest entertainer since Evel Knievel, answering the reporter’s question. “Is there a ghost to come?” asked one of the bottom-feeders of the journalist indust...
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Dear Mr./Mrs. Ficly
Yes, I am talking to you. First of all, let me thank you for giving me your complete attention and pausing iTunes. Allow me to reiterate; thank you for giving me your complete attention and pausing iTunes. Good, now. Who is Mr./Mrs. Ficly? Well my frie...
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Immigrant Song
10 nauseous days. 10 grueling nights. But we keep rowing, …and rowing, …and rowing. Rowing until I think my arms will break. Rowing until the Gods themselves will shake, of our endless labor. Rowing across the end of the world. “Vaki,...
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The Bumble Bee Choir
The Song of Spring “The plants have flowered. The rain has fallen. At last the Age of Honey has arrived. As says the queen, Help thy fellow bee. We are all part of a great, big hive." The Bumble Bee Choir sang the song every year. A little b...
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El Coro de las Abejas
La Canción de La Primavera “Las plantas han florecido. La lluvia ha caído. Por fin, la edad de miel ha llegado. Cómo dice la reina, ayuda a tu vecina. Somos todos parte de una gran colmena." El Coro de Las Abejas cantaba la canción cada ...
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The Segregation Scale
He stepped up to the sliding-glass doors of the new 22nd Century, Green Badge food station. It had been so long since he had tasted a real hamburger. The light beams measured his height as the floor sensors took his weight. Yet again, a pixilated, red ...
![PJ (Jae) [[LoA]]](http://cdn.ficly.com/icons/2758/avatar.jpg){kind=icon}
