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J. A. Keane

Joined January 2010 and calls J. A. K's Twitter Feed home.

159 stories, 6 challenges, 111 comments, and 75 friends

J. A. Keane has spent the majority of his 19 years trying to act like a somewhat normal member of modern society, but seeing as nobody else seems to be acting normal these days (which basically makes the entire concept of “normality” redundant and nothing but a bad joke (my inner Comedian-from-Alan-Moore’s-“Watchmen” talking there)), he has decided to give up on that, and continue along his path of random offbeat-ness.
When he’s not doing that, he also likes to write long-winded rants on Tumblr, miniature rants on Twitter, medium sized rants on Facebook, and adamantly refuses to use LOLspeak (as he finds it annoying, and believes that it’s a slightly differentiated (but not THAT much, really, if you think about it) form of Newspeak).
And when he’s not doing any of that, he likes to write exaggerated biographies that are intended to make him sound more interesting than he actually is.
And after all that, he also really likes to end his website biographies on a joke.
(American reality TV shows.)

Stories

  1. Heading Back (Superhero Black Hole, part 61)

    Afterwards, when we were back in my hotel room (she had her own seperate room, by the way; like I said before – we don’t end up playing tonsil tennis, or doing the genitalia handshake. (Looking over my shoulder, Zoe’s asking me to rem...

  2. Slo-Mo (Superhero Black Hole, part 60)

    Once the sound of my palm against Zoe’s cheek subsided (which, by the way, I apologised (or as she tells it, “grovelled”) for, over and over again, and she said she was cool with it…even though it left a horrid red mark across h...

  3. Experimentation (Superhero Black Hole, part 59)

    After we left the shop, I saw the douchebag at the losing end of an argument with a policeman’s baton just ahead of us. I had to point out the douche to Zoe. She laughed at how even though she hadn’t wound up scrambling the guy’s br...

  4. Filling In The Gaps (Superhero Black Hole, part 58)

    “I did WHAT?!” We got shot some odd looks by the customers seated around us at Zoe’s outburst. I glared at her to keep her voice down, she mouthed sorry to a few of the other patrons and the shop’s ambience resumed to normal. &#...

  5. Five Minutes Previous (Superhero Black Hole, part 57)

    Five minutes before, Zoe was a few moments away from asking me for a coffee as we stood about a hundred yards from the coffee shop that would – or did, depending on your point of view and preference – soon become the background to Zoe’...

  6. Thirteen Years Later (Superhero Black Hole, part 54)

    Zoe moved into my apartment the day after we met. (She didn’t have much stuff to unpack – all she had was a couple of little boxes filled with toiletry things, a few random items of food scrounged from a cupboard, a DVD of the remake of Gre...

  7. Burning Time (Superhero Black Hole, part 53)

    One hundred and twenty-three years. To you – presumably a regular human – that must sound like a swift punch to the abdomen. Hell, even I admit that before I discovered my power, that length of time would seem absolutely ridiculous to me; ...

  8. The Long Haul (Superhero Black Hole, part 52)

    Me and Zoe spent a few moments in silence – her absorbing everything I’d told her, and me wishing I could forget all those mistakes I made. “So, why is it that we couldn’t inject her with the antidote before she’s born? In...

  9. Many Mishaps (Superhero Black Hole, part 51)

    “Where did you go,” she asked. “I ran out of the hospital, found a desolate area and did some self-pitying. I stayed there for a while, thinking about what I should do. Then I just wandered through the city, drinking alcohol – s...

  10. The Fixed Point (Superhero Black Hole, part 50)

    We sat ourselves down by my desk, where I cleared a space in the middle of the clutter for us to put our drinks. “Can you please continue filling me in on this Ambidextra business? The suspense is killing me,” she said. I took a couple of g...

  11. Plans... (Superhero Black Hole, part 49)

    “Oh-kaaaaaay,” she said slowly. “Does it make a modicum of sense, yet?” “Kind of…sort of…not really.” I sighed exasperatedly. “I expected as much. Don’t worry, though – I hardly understa...

  12. Zoe's Thirst for Exposition (Superhero Black Hole, part 48)

    “How do we go about doing this?” This was my question to her. If she was expecting me to know all the answers in this matter, she was going to be sadly mistaken. (And – as she’s so heartily reminding me – she really reall...

  13. And So It Begins... (Superhero Black Hole, part 44)

    I bought us back to our seats in the compu-cafe’. She leaned back in her seat, exhaling deeply with a little “Phew!” to signify her level of astoundment. [Sorry, dear reader. Zoe’s just given me an earful about how badly written...

  14. Proof (Superhero Black Hole, part 43)

    I reached out my hand and gestured for her to do likewise. She eyed me and my hand suspiciously. Obviously, she had spent a long time thinking that she was the only one of her kind. Our roles had now reversed. But, eventually, she reached out and gras...

  15. The Girl from Long Ago - pt. IV (Superhero Black Hole, part 42)

    We went into the more coffee oriented part of the cafe’, and seated ourselves in one of the booths. “So, tell me: when in ’01 have you come from,” I asked her. “Hold on! First things first, my friend – my name is Zoe...

  16. The Girl from Long Ago - pt. III (Superhero Black Hole - pt. 41)

    “Um…what? What?” I was flustered and flabbergasted. Never in my life had I ever felt like the word “flabbergasted” applied to me. (Yes, I know it seems like I would’ve felt that way by now – what with me havin...

  17. The Girl from Long Ago - pt. II (Superhero Black Hole, part 40)

    When she said that, I got the faint flicker of the idea that she could be like me. But that flicker had happened many times throughout the past I-don’t-know-how-many-centuries, and I’d gotten used to the idea that that flicker was just wish...

  18. The Girl from Long Ago (Superhero Black Hole, part 39)

    “Just when I’m beginning to get used to the idea that we’ve colonised the moon, some bitch murders her husband and causes all this ‘galactic homocide’ bullshit.” Knowing what I know now, I’m surprised I didn...

  19. In New York in 2039... (Superhero Black Hole, part 38)

    So, this is how Zoe elbowed her way into our story. It was sometime in October in 2039. This being New York in October, it was hardly surprising that the rain was especially obnoxious in its state of downpour. Henceforth, I found myself in a large-ish ...

  20. The New Blood (Superhero Black Hole - part 37)

    Let’s get a few things straight about this new person in my narrative, so they can be remembered for future (and present, and past) reference: 1) She’s a she. 2) She’s not a complete and utter dickbag like the other woman we’ve ...

  21. staring into the abyss...

    I don’t know what to do. Those words now cover my life like a terrible, terrifying tarpaulin of boundless bleurgh. Everything’s wrong, broken, unfixable, undefinable, unbelievable, and…um…other words ending in “un”. ...

  22. Confusion (Superhero Black Hole - part 27)

    “Is this actually happening?” I say. Well, my Other Me says this. My Other Past Me. Or, seeing as I’ve just come from the extremely distant past, he’s technically my Future Me. Or whatever. I’m as confused as he is. ...

  23. Flash Waaaaaaay Back (part 26)

    Blinding flash. High-pitched scream. Loud bursts of noise. Unknown pain, fierce, stabbing, my head. Silence. It all stops without warning. But one thing is for sure: I’m not in the Inbetween anymore. I’m not in the middle of the road, eithe...

  24. Aftermath, Before Another (part 23)

    I awoke. My lungs gasped for air. Pain everywhere. I couldn’t think for the pain. Aches, stabbings, stingings, all kinds of pain. Pain, pain, fucking PAIN. Breathing harsh, quick breaths in and out of the icy air— (smoking imaginary cigaret...

  25. Premonitionised (Superhero Black Hole: part 21)

    The screen flickers white. The countdown from 5 to the film’s beginning passes. The lines and moldspots and cigarette burns momentarily crowd the screen, then disappear. And then… …an image. A multitude of images, one after another a...

  26. Darling... (Superhero Black Hole: part 19)

    She stops her wicked cackling inhumanly suddenly. (It’s the only way I can describe it. For visual reference and comparison, go watch any of the scenes set in the Black Lodge in Twin Peaks, and you’ll get the gist of it. (David Lynch must h...

  27. The Girl Speaks (Superhero Black Hole: part 17)

    “What is going on,” I ask in the speakthink way I have to talk in here. The Girl steps out from the darkness, into my line of vision. Her face is calm, but her eyes betray her. It’s not an evil look, exactly…but it’s not a...

  28. Car Crash Mentality

    Well, when I say “it” and “she” hit me, I mean to say: First, she hit me. A sharp, sudden, quick and painful punch in my face. (I distinctly remember the feeling of her skinny knuckles ramming against my skull – bone again...

  29. ...and Answers

    My heart stops. Maybe not literally, but it goddamn feels like it. I get a feeling in my gut. Not a good one; it’s like my insides have fallen out of me. It feels familiar, but that isn’t comforting. I feel my blood drain from my face. Ever...

  30. Time Passes (or: Long After The Day of Swearing)

    In hindsight, I guess being stranded in 2007 wasn’t so bad. You’d be amazed at how much the world had yet to go through after 2007: a new president, tsunamis, earthquakes, oil spills, recessions, unexpected celebrity deaths, and so on. To b...

J. A. Keane's Friends (75)

  • Conjoiner, Rejoinder, Poisoner, Concealer, Revelator [[Wednesday]]
  • Adam Croft
  • bluefish
  • LittleSecrets
  • InnocenceAndArsenic
  • JC Tovil
  • 32 ^2
  • Infinity.
  • Elizabeth Greene
  • memento
  • Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)
  • Reaver19
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  • Emily
  • Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)