Avatar

Les Orchard

Joined May 2009 and calls lmorchard.com home.

14 stories, 2 challenges, 29 comments, and 17 friends

I’m a serially enthusiastic, caffeine dependent {web,mad,computer} scientist and {tech,scifi} writer. I work at the Mozilla Corp. (where they make Firefox), and I live in Livonia, MI, USA.

I was once a refugee from Ficlets, and those stories are now self-archived over at http://decafbad.com/skein/

Stories

  1. Did you look under the couch?

    Earth had been a great home to us. But, the Sun was revving up to devour the inner planets, so we figured it was about time we pack the whole place up and archive it. No danger to the human species: We’d scattered ourselves across the galactic pl...

  2. Biospheric Xenophobia

    “Have you ever seen one of them?” “No, I haven’t. You had training on this, right?” “Yeah, I did. I passed and everything, but I still don’t get it.” “What’s not to get? Every living thing on ...

  3. Containment

    “Get out in the open! Abandon cover!” “Get off this channel, you whack job,” Jared croaked into his helmet mic. He crouched lower behind the desk, keeping the doorway covered. “They’re ignoring the walls! Your traini...

  4. Stop Copying Me

    I think I’m going to sue. Everybody juggles like me, these days. No credit on the web site, and never mind a royalty check. But, it was me, you know? I went first under the skullcap. I saw years of practice get siphoned into cruddy little thumb d...

  5. On the Market

    It had been a busy week: she’d had her teeth whitened, removed four tattoos, dyed her hair back to its natural color, and gotten her optical implants updated. She’d also lost 4 pounds, working furiously over the past month in the fitness ce...

  6. Homebrew Biotech Club

    The homebrew club got real interesting last night. Jerry started dating this girl Maddy, and she was something else: purple hair, piercings, and a load of tattoos. And then there’s Jerry: bearded, balding, and been carrying a spare tire for years...

  7. Bookshelves

    The day they moved in together, he remarked upon how heavy and numerous were all her boxes of books. He took that as an opportunity. That weekend, he left to visit his father. They went to a dusty lumberyard and bought enough wood for a fine pair of bo...

  8. Stuxnet Was Awesome, Right?

    The toaster wouldn’t toast, and the microwave wouldn’t—umm—make tiny heat waves, or whatever it does. The fridge, though, the fridge had slow-cooked everything inside overnight and the apartment stank like delicious death. Though, what ...

  9. Moravec's Cats

    Every ship-morning, I woke up covered in a half-dozen cats. Sometime in the ship-night, they’d wander in from the ducts and find spots to curl up around my sleeping body, virtually pinning me under the sheet and all purring from speaker grilles w...

  10. Lonely Timeless Flight

    He kicks back, alone at a corner table in low-g. He nurses a high gravity beer for the alcoholic irony. It’s his fourth, and the faces around him are blurred. Funny thing, though: with his glasses on, the faces would have been blurred even if he&...

  11. Don't Thank the Gnomes

    I started the morning by sneaking into a strange house through an unsealed milk door. There was a broken shoe heel on the second floor—its wrongness drew me up the stairs as sure as a cord tied round my ribs. It was done before the lady of the house ...

  12. Famous Last Words

    They told me never to talk to it; it was isolated for a reason. But, like I told them, I couldn’t imagine anything a transhuman AI could say to make me let it out of the box. So, after a post-midnight tumbler of Irish whiskey, I opened up a secur...

  13. Controlled Monetization

    I took the pills. Like everyone else, I took the pills and I sent in the hair and the piss to prove I took the pills. I’d figured something out, though: I could stop taking the pills for the first half of the month, then double up at the end. I s...

  14. From Spaceman to Plantsman

    The first time the spaceman saw my garden, I thought he was going to strangle me. All that water and the thousands of milligrams of nutrients, an embarrassment of riches strewn across my backyard. He demanded to see my resource plan, to inspect my sens...

Les Orchard's Friends (17)

  • THX 0477
  • Ana Cristina
  • Kevin Lawver
  • Stovohobo
  • Lone Writer
  • ElshaHawk (LoA)
  • atom
  • Kent Brewster
  • Bill Hartzia
  • Jae
  • Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))
  • thelostgirl
  • Jason Garber
  • Robotech_Master
  • Cobweb
  • Krulltar
  • Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)

Les Orchard's Followers (16)

  • Jason Garber
  • uselessness
  • Cobweb
  • Kent Brewster
  • Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
  • Kevin Lawver
  • ElshaHawk (LoA)
  • THX 0477
  • Krulltar
  • thelostgirl
  • Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))
  • The Electric Hillbilly
  • Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)
  • Nuno Teixeira
  • kyle90
  • Jae