fish
Joined May 2009 and calls nowhere home.
412 stories, 312 challenges, 533 comments, and 51 friends
some day i’ll be important enough to have three levers on my swivel chair.
Stories
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the scene closes
her eyes calm her heart calms her voice calms her body calms heavy with frightening speed yes frightening speed indeed soon she will be cold colder than ever before cold, without heat life or purpose nothing could would wanted to save her
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the tension rises
she is screaming words unintelligible and crying out for help that is not can not be will not be there it’s sad and it’s sad and it’s said in so many ways pathetic and ironic and tragic to end this way
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the scene opens
lights fade in eyes fade out pills dissolve. lives dissolve. eyes dissolve. hands shaking quaking palms sweaty fluttering eyes behind painted eyelids heart fluttering rapidly behind clammy breasts hidden in a shroud of bloody cotton.
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An Argument With Death, Pt I.
This is a concept album, without music, of course (for now). This is currently a placeholder for part one. This is an album with three singing parts, normal is The Man, bold is The Woman, italics is Death. I don’t know how long this will take me ...
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An Argument With Death, Pt III. (Pt. II)
you know that i can never return and you know that death cannot reverse and no matter how much you hope and yearn i am dead. i am dead. i am dead. i am gone. i hope that you will listen close to me i hope that you will not be afraid to sleep i listen, ...
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An Argument With Death, Pt III. (Pt. I)
now i know that my life is forever changed and i hope that her death was not in vain and i cried out for god’s irreversible claim and i prayed to live every day without pain and how i wish my mind could be erased but still her voice calls me from...
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drinking alcohol from a cup of memories, colored like the ocean
i’m sorry i’m sorry i let you all down i’m bleeding i’m bleeding i’m wishing to drown my sorrows my sorrows in sips from this cup of vodka of vodka i’ll drink it all up i’m screaming i’m screaming how cou...
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it's funny, a poem about being lonely called "leave me alone"
i’m sorry it’s just i’d rather hate you than love myself and i really don’t want to do either but it seems i’m forced to do one or the other and if you would just stop forcing me then maybe i could decide something for ONC...
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leave me alone
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Untitled Poem Vol. III #4
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Untitled Poem Vol. II #45 Pt. II
can this be my excuse? can this be a diagnosis? maybe i don’t have major depressive disorder maybe i just have major writer disorder it’s much like depression it’s much like a cancer but it’s invisible and unfixable and unrecogn...
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Untitled Poem Vol. II #45 Pt. I
or, the second final poem, in which i denounce the credibility of practically every psychiatrist i have met thus far. i don’t want to change what do i do i’m afraid that if i change i’ll lose my ability to write like a writer becaus...
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conversations with myself about a quarter and a candy bar pt. II
what if they notice the stains on my right jacket pocket? what if they ask me why they’re there? then you’ll tell them the truth. i was heating chocolate to make icing for a cheesecake and i set the heat too high and the fat separated from ...
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conversations with myself about a quarter and a candy bar pt. I
yesterday i dropped a quarter on the ground and it rolled to a stranger’s feet if only i could pick it up and go to the snack machine i could have just enough money to buy a candy bar. but what could go wrong? practically anything. what if, while...
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s. a. d. : it's not just an emotion anymore
why hasn’t it yet occurred to me that anxiety rules my life i used to think that i just hated me but no, it’s all mankind the feeling i get when i speak from my heart is like intestines filled with lead with the feelings i get you’d t...
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Untitled Poem Vol. II #41
why does my tongue not listen to my brain i formulate and calculate and find the words and then the time comes for me to speak and all the eyes are fixed on me and i have seen the eyes seen them all— but they have not seen me no, not at all my to...
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fleeting
4/22/12 i thought of your smile and the sound of your laugh for a short passing while i could not see the path my sight it was dimming no reason said why and you left just as quick as you came
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siren song.
this is the song the sirens sing when i tell another lie: this is the song the sirens sing when i’m stuck inside this rut: this is the song the sirens sing when i do another line: this is the song the sirens sing when i make another cut: this is ...
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psychodrama
where am I now it’s like I wove myself so many lies and half truths I don’t know what’s real anymore I’m such a good actor I can’t tell when I’m acting anymore what am I doing with my life I feel like I dramatize eve...
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Untitled Poem Vol. II #13
3/8/12 your words flow in riddles and you speak not in tongues i heard they buried you at sea and they stole half your brain and they haunt through your memories and kill them (in peace with your innocence, malevolence, and pained painted nails) and...
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I am old.
I am old. My memories falls like rain Leaving puddles on my brain. And my thoughts all slip Through my fingers like grains Of sands of time through a sifting pot. All my memories of you, my dear… Some are gone, but some are here. They are never soli...
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a mental hospital is an awful place to laugh at passing thoughts
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please don't take me back, the ghosts still haunt my nightmares!
you are everything. i see you everywhere. i hear you here, i feel you there. you’re in my bones, you’re in my hair. you are my skin, you are my teeth (although they grind while i still sleep, you’re in the air, you’re in the air...
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a day in the life of myself
I woke up when my alarm went off, at 5:45 AM. My head was pounding, my nose was running, and I was sure I had a fever, even though I didn’t. I wrote a note for my mom, telling her I was staying home from school, and I went back to bed. I woke up...
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a series of thoughts that sends me into a deep, manic depression
long ago i was smiling without having to try maybe i could be happy if only i tried i can’t try to be happy because i’m so tired i don’t care that i don’t have any plans for the future i don’t care that i don’t have ...
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oxygenetics
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i once was good at something, but now i can't do anything right
it should concern me that i failed a class and that i barely passed another it should concern me that i haven’t done any form of homework in the past two months it should concern me that i don’t care at all i’m glad i can somehow find...
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the futon
it was broken when we got here who knows when it happened maybe it was broken from the beginning i was trying to fix it i was trying to make it work again i was trying to set the little pegs in the track again so it could fold down and up and down and ...
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question words
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i feel like
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