I Pooped Myself (breakup challenge)

Avatar Author: K-Jellybean You know that moment when you realize you're in over your head? "I am steeped in blood so far, that returning would be as tedious as going ahead." ***** I missed this place. I missed posting. I can't be the user that ... Read Bio

God, I really had to use the bathroom! Loud rock music blasted through the house as I rushed through the door, dropped my schoolbag in the living room and bolted up the stairs. ’Mom must be cleaning…’ I thought. Dancing around like an idiot, glad that no one could see me, I grabbed the door handle, turned it and swung it open.

There was my mom with one leg up on the vanity counter, one hand braced against the mirror as my boyfriend pummeled into her from behind. My eyes widened and while you may think that at that moment, I was at my worst—I wasn’t. The shock of seeing the man I loved fucking my mother was too much for me. I couldn’t hold it, I pooped myself right there.

Ironically enough, the only thing my ex boyfriend could say was, “Holy shit!” I guess you could say we broke up because of irreconcilable differences.

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Comments (27 so far!)

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  1. Avatar tinkerbelle

    This is awesome. Hilarious, angering and realistic all at the same time!

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    hmm, wonder if i’d poop, or if it would have gone back up.. okay that was just gross, both my comment and the story. Ew. ;) That’s the worst break up!

  3. Avatar Raegan Dauterive

    I don’t have a comment that can match the awesomness of this story. Let’s just say you may have this challenge in the bag.

  4. Avatar Mr.Gabriel

    Elsha, that was really gross. I am cracking up as I wirte this comment.

    I agree with Raegan, no comment can decribe this hilariousness.

  5. Avatar K-Jellybean

    Aww, thanks! I was trying to think of the ultimate breakup and I decided nothing is worse than finding your boyfriend screwing your mom…unless of course you just happen to disgrace yourself in front of said boyfriend. Poop just happened to be the best thing I could think of xD

  6. Avatar Nymphaea Rose

    Now I have that old song, “Jessie’s Mom has got it going on” in my head xD.

  7. Avatar K-Jellybean

    Stacy’s Mom, I think you mean.

  8. Avatar Ridcully Calvert

    OK, this one had me rolling in the aisles.

    And stacy’s mom has nothing on the protagonist’s (apparently)

  9. Avatar K-Jellybean

    Hahaha, yeah I mean this mom actually got her prey. What a cougar! =O

  10. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Yep, that’s a bad way for it to go. And to answer Elsha’s comment, it takes a long time for poop to make it all the way back up and out, but it can happen with an obstruction.
    Great idea and nicely executed with some good visuals (not the mom being screwed—I meant the dancing around looking for the bathroom bit). That last sentence felt a little ‘tacked on’ or unnecessary.

  11. Avatar DoItForScience

    Ok, until I got far enough into the comments I didn’t know if this actually happened to you or not. What an awful breakup! 5/5 for your… extraordinary imagination

  12. Avatar K-Jellybean

    No, this didn’t actually happen to me, though I did read a book where the guy ran off with her mom and another one where she peed herself—but not because her boyfriend broke up with her or because she was shocked… she just forgot she hadn’t pulled down her pants…

  13. Avatar kaellinn18

    One word: EPIC.

  14. Avatar K-Jellybean

    lolz, thanks. Hopefully that’s epic win and not epic fail.

  15. Avatar achalkboardsmemory

    Well, it was a little bit of both. The storytelling…epic win. The situation…..epic fail.

    :)

  16. Avatar K-Jellybean

    Oh gewdie.

  17. Avatar ethelthefrog

    Fantastic. I love the set-up, the domestic scene with vacuuming going on (probably) and the zzzzzzzzziiiip record-skipping moment as she opens the bathroom door.

    Laugh out loud. Top stuff.

  18. Avatar blusparrow (LoA)

    hahaha! HAHAHA! this made me laugh so hard. no wonder its at the top right now

  19. Avatar Marli

    O.M.G. What a great reality hit. Bravo

  20. Avatar Mackizme

    i wanna see how the mother/daughter relationship moves on from that. Yikes! Talk about awkward!

  21. Avatar Nancy

    This is excellent! Really great. I laughed out loud even though I’m sure your MC would be mad at me for doing so. ONE suggestion (even though I love the whole thing) would be to reconsider the word poop. Even though it totally works you say, “pummeling” and “fucking” and “shit” so poop gives it a childish quality in that one instant. Although, even with it it’s still excellent!

  22. Avatar K-Jellybean

    It’s poop, what else would you have me call it? Doodoo? Number 2? Poopie?

  23. Avatar Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}

    Dear god…

    Who’s going to clean the mother’s hand-prints off the bathroom mirror? I sure as hell wouldn’t… Not if she’d been banging my date.

  24. Avatar Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}

    As for another way of saying “I shat myself” you could say “I made a deposit” or “soiled my linens.”

  25. Avatar K-Jellybean

    @ Mess: xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

  26. Avatar Clotifoth

    I’d call it scheiss personally. >.>;;;

    Pretty nice story I suppose.For some odd reason I don’t like it much, but I’m weird. there ya go. <.<

  27. Avatar Catherine

    Oh. My. God.
    This was both hilarious and disturbing.

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