Eli's Coming

Avatar Author: KevSaund I'm a struggling grad student slash playwright, who spends the occasional Friday afternoon doing streetside performance art. I write because I have to, not because I want to. I say "Howdy" instead of "Hello" and "Too... Read Bio

There’s a storm brewing just over the horizon. There’s the sound of thunder about to break. There’s electricity in the air. There’s nothing that can be done to stop it.

She’s about to finish dinner. She’ll clean up after herself, because she wants to be ready. She will scrape her plate and rinse it off in the sink. She will glance at the front door as she heads to the living room to see that it’s locked. She will curl up on the couch with a glass of wine, and see if the monologue makes her want to watch the rest of Conan.

He will finish this one and maybe one more. He will convince the bartender that he’s fine to drive by reciting the alphabet backwards while standing on one foot. He will jingle the keys in his pocket, laughing at the sound that they make.

The Officer will not be surprised by the call, just disappointed. The Officer will arrive on the scene and fill out all the appropriate paperwork. The Officer will mourn in the future, because there will always be a job to do.

Then the rain will start.

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Comments (8 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar C.M. Raynor

    Really enjoyed this story. I like the foreshadowing in the brewing storm and the follow up at the end when the rain starts. Good writing! oh and “Howdy” to you.

  2. Avatar The Author Formerly Known as Krulltar

    This has a narrative song like motion that sways from person to person; telling just enough to hint at the outcome.

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Nice job at telling the story without really telling the story. At first I didn’t like the future tense, but by the end it grew on me and really worked for what you were going for.

  4. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Nice job at telling the story without really telling the story. At first I didn’t like the future tense, but by the end it grew on me and really worked for what you were going for.

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    three lives, tied together by the storm. This feels like a prologue to a longer piece. I want to see how they all intermingle..

  6. Avatar KevSaund

    Who’s to say that haven’t already intermingled? I’m not fond of sequeling my own stuff, because I like each piece I write to be fully self contained. Of course, that doesn’t stop anybody else from doing it, which is fine by me.

  7. Avatar stargazer1960

    Opening 2 paragraphs made me think of a John Prine song I like to sing- “Angel from Montgomery.”

    Interesting journey.

  8. Avatar thelostgirl

    I love the narrative voice in this piece and the last line is a wonderful end. This is a very powerful story.

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