Company

Avatar Author: gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa Read Bio

On a paranoid impulse I glanced over my shoulder and bolted down the old road, keeping close to tall brush along the road’s edge. Time wasn’t the only thing messing with my head; the road decided to play distance tricks with me, much to its amusement and my dismay. After an instant eternity, though, I was within reach of the old grounded ships. But snapping in the underbrush and a murmur of voices ahead stopped me in my tracks. I crouched behind a fern to listen: two male voices, one more wizened than the other, and not polished enough to be authorities.

My ears honed in on their movement, blotting out all else. The sound went along, then all noise stopped. Frantically I tried to pick their sound up again.

A throat cleared behind me.

Startled, I whipped around. Two rough folks, one young and stringy, the other old and crinkly, stood a respectable distance away, the older of the two looking me up & down critically.

“Well well,” he finally croaked, offering a gap-toothed grin. “We has us some comp’ny.”

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  1. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    enter two new characters..
    its the running that gets me, was he running before the sounds or after? Cuz I pictured him very very tired, not running anywhere unless driven by fear, at which point he hides.. I mean he just pushed a car..
    but anyway, way to sequel! And those two new guys are quite ominous.

  2. Avatar kaellinn18

    The use of ampersands here was really distracting for me. I don’t know if you did that to help with the character limit or what, but it would be better to remove some words instead of resorting to symbols. Sometimes writing a Ficly means you have to be ruthless with your editor’s pen. It’s definitely an interesting enough introduction to two new characters, though.

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    I thought the first part did a good job of maintaining the sense of panic and desperation. Really curious about these two guys, as they don’t seem to be the pursuers, but could they be something worse?

  4. Avatar gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    I’m kind of hoping they’re a bit worse than pursuers… perhaps somebody could take that somewhere…?

  5. Avatar Reverend Speed

    I’ll second Kaellinn’s comment – ampersands kill the readability of the piece. Ficly hates adverbs and so should you – lose the ‘distinctly’ and ‘definitely’, gain a shedload of ‘ands’ and a cleaner style to boot.

    Losing track of your trackers?

    Never a nice feeling. You’ve piqued my curiosity, sir. Good sequel.

  6. Avatar gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    That’s a good point; I often just use ampersands as character savers. I rather like adverbs myself, but once I got looking the bit over again I decided while it was in first person using adverbs for this particular character didn’t work as well. It’s my own personal preference, but I’m willing to tweak to suit another’s character.

    Thanks for the criticism, all, it’s very much appreciated.

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