I Drink Therefore I Am

Avatar Author: lastsyllable Who wants to be a writer? I do! Read Bio

“The truth is,” he said, “the truth is, I hate robots.” His breath reeked of the gin that sloshed over the edge of his glass.

“You know what I hate?” he asked.

“Robots?” I said.

“Robots,” he said. “Damn things take jobs away from hard-working people… I pay my taxes you know!”

“So do robots,” I pointed out.

He banged his glass on the counter. “S’not the same! They got no mouths to feed, what do they do with all that money?”

“Pay rent?” I said.

“Closets!” he shouted. “Stick a robot in a damn closet and it’s happy. What’s a closet cost, eh? How’s that help the economy?”

“What about mechanics?” I asked. “Repairs aren’t free.”

“Damn robots go to robot mechanics.” He swigged some gin. “Forget us what made them.”

“I hear some robots hang out at bars,” I said.

He stopped and glanced around the room. “You think?” he asked.

“I know.” I slowly spun my head in a complete circle.

I’d have a stiff rotor in the morning, but it was worth it to watch the guy drop his drink and bolt. Humans. Just typical.

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Comments (38 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Stovohobo

    Hahaha…funny dialogue. I like how it shows the workings of this supposed future.

  2. Avatar Ana Cristina

    I loved this, especially the twist-that-I-should-have-seen-coming-damnit at the end. Awesomeness.

  3. Avatar ALRO613 (LoA)

    ya.. really good look at our future if we’re not careful.

  4. Avatar Scrawler's Secret

    that was awesome

  5. Avatar Sz Park

    A drinking robot!

  6. Amj Lone Writer

    Awesome, plain awesomeness. Funniest thing I’ve seen all day!

  7. Avatar Ben Paddon

    I do so love stories about robots. And this one is cracking!

  8. Avatar The Fantastic Mister Fish

    lol that’s great

  9. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    “Forget us what made them.” — Great great sentence. I love it.

  10. Avatar orikae

    I love the way this appears in my Firefox title bar. “I Drink Therefore I Am on Ficly”

  11. Avatar Yuriy Zubovski

    Man, that should totally be an entry in the Oh Snap contest! =[

  12. Avatar SerKevin

    Even though I knew he was talking to a “robot” from the very beginning… I really loved the pace and the conversation.

  13. Avatar Fyora Cartagan


  14. Avatar ALRO613 (LoA)

    ’grats on being named “Featured Story” !! WoOt ..

  15. Avatar Jessica Brown

    Great dialogue.

  16. Avatar kara

    HA! fantastic.

  17. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Hahaha! Congrats on being featured. I, for one, am feeling really slow-witted because I didn’t see that twist coming, but now I realize you built up to it real nicely!

  18. Avatar i, Coomber

    Awesome, most definately awesome!

  19. Avatar Distant Memories

    Haha. I can’t believe I didn’t see that coming. It was really good. I like robots.

  20. Avatar Vashau Taslet

    Fabulous , great twist their at the end

  21. Avatar kaellinn18

    This is superbly written. The flow is very natural. 5/5!

  22. Avatar aboutferguson

    So good. “So do robots” communicates so much so quickly about time and place and situation. Excellent.

  23. Avatar scratch'n'scrawl

    A beaut little ficly-et.

    This sure captured my interest, and what a surprise at the end! Makes one think that they surely should’ve seen it coming…

  24. Avatar White Marvin

    Oh understanding how the robots feel.

  25. Avatar Olivaw

    “I slowly spun my head in a complete circle” is a great line.

    It’s simplicity makes it funnier.

  26. Avatar Muse among Myths

    Very funny. Robots with a sense of humor are hard to come by.

  27. Avatar Glunders


  28. Avatar Pat J

    Funny throughout, and the exchange at the start (1st 3 paragraphs) was priceless.

  29. Avatar Trench Affair

    I think it sucks. It’s not creative, and not original. Maybe it would stand out among a sea of sleep-deprived, angst-ridden, depressed, over-taxed, apathetic, unsure college freshman who aren’t even trying, but it doesn’t deserve praise on a site where people come of their on volition solely to write short stories.

  30. Avatar nrwilk

    I liked this story a lot.

    But, I liked the title, and its relation to the story even more!

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