“So now that we have discovered Earth and its glaborious wonderworkings, how shall we greet them, O Most Sugary Overlord?” Zamboblion hummed.
“I would think a Celebratory Mercury Shower to be most appropriate.”
“Computing, O Master of All Things Cocoa. Result: mercury is toxic to Earth’s primary sentient species, the Humans.”
“Unfortunate. Our customary Congratulations Cloud of Carbon Monoxide?”
“Toxic as well, O Muculent One.”
“Hmm. Search their orbobulating satellites for history on the species,” the Supreme Ruler bubbled through his molten chocolate throat.
“Searching…result: Humans enjoy socializationing and eating. Often-used objects for possible message receivers found: ‘toilet paper’, ‘Big Macs’, and ‘Twitter.’”
“Beam the Congratulations message to all three, just in case.”
Zamboblion’s eyes grew wide. “Wait—Sir, the Humans enjoy sugar-filled concoctions…especially chocolate.”
The Supreme Ruler paused. “Destroy them all!”
“Yes Sir. Beaming message.”