Engines can be in the Hull, Right?

Avatar Author: Breaded Hi, I'm Paul. I enjoy holding hands and long walks on the faces of babies. Read Bio

Zipping up the suit, I stood tall over the cabin. Prepared to conquer anything in my way. The way the sun gleamed over the planet in front of me seemed to urge me on.

Within minutes we were inside Earths atmosphere. This must be what it feels like to return to your home, only to find it is burnt down.

“Warning! Warning! High carbon monoxide levels in cabin! Stay inside V.H. suit. Warning! Warning! Malfunction in main engine. Please check lower hull” Enigma shouts broke my thoughts. She always knew how to kill some fun.

“I read you, Enigma, please unlock lower hull door” I responded calmly, not worried about anything. I mean, what’s the worst it could be.

Climbing down the latter, I saw the worst it could be.

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  1. Avatar Browncoatben

    Digging the concept here, but the writing felt rushed and kinda lost me.

    Enigma’s warnings weren’t real believable, assuming that’s a computer.

    Also…typo in the last sentence: “latter” should be “ladder.”

  2. Avatar Mostly Harmless

    This doesn’t reach the levels of atmosphere and tension seen in the first few – rushed is the word, and I don’t think it suits the main character to be flippant – he might be brave, but I don’t think he underestimates the gravity of the situation…

    I kind of disagree with Ben about the computer though, I like that it has a more human feel to his dialogue – I just feel you need to build on the MC’s relationship with Enigma, it’s a potential point for some really original writing…

    This hasn’t in any way killed the series though – just make sure you pick up the standard with some good narrative and maybe some snappy intercom back to Enigma from the Earth’s surface – MH :)

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