Stockton's Hoard

Avatar Author: kaellinn18 Follow me on Twitter: I love to write. One of my life goals is to write a novel, but right now work, church, and family take up most of my spare time. This site helps me scratch that writi... Read Bio

Captain Stockton turned north and walked toward a large rock outcropping. He made notes on his map by the light of the full moon while three of his crewmen struggled along behind with a large chest full of gold doubloons. The treasure had nearly capsized the small boat they had taken to shore, and Stockton had made a mental note to bury less at a time in the future.

After twenty paces, he made his final mark on the map and had his men start digging. In no time, they had a sufficiently large crater, and Stockton had one of them get out and help hand the chest to the other two. Stockton released his end to the men below, and in one smooth motion he stood, drew his saber, and ran it through the other crewman’s heart. The men with the gold barely had time to register the treachery. As the dying man fell, sword planted in his torso, Stockton drew his pistols, shooting the two remaining men in the head.

Dead men tell no tales.

Stockton shoveled sand into the hole as the moon slid behind dark clouds.

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Comments (4 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Mostly Harmless

    The first paragraph set the scene nicely, but didn’t particularly grab me – it feels a bit laboured, probably because you were keen to get on to writing that humdinger of an ending.

    And a humdinger it is – love the piratey quote and some slick, fluid action which moves really well… A review of two halves for me, though it just comes in at a 4 overall – MH :)

  2. Avatar Mr.Gabriel

    Not into priates, but this was rather interesting.

  3. Avatar Nathaniel Payne

    Yeah, I’m not a pirate guy myself, but the narrative here was wonderfully constructed. Well done.

    Now, to appease the scifi/fantasy lover in me, make the dead pirates come back to life and terrorize Stockton in the sequel. :)

  4. Avatar kaellinn18

    This was one of those stories where the character limit really annoyed me. I had to edit out a bunch of cool descriptions in order to keep the main plot. I’ve edited the first paragraph some more, and hopefully it flows a little smoother now.

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