Ditching Lucia

Avatar Author: ElshaHawk (LoA) Read, Rate, Comment, or send me a note! Pyro dubbed me sequel queen! http://ficly.com/stories/7381 I am a member of the League of Awesomeness: the Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision. I am Mistress Elshanor o... Read Bio

Valencia’s impressive architecture and lively social atmosphere had grown on me. I felt comfortable wandering about on my own, but my host family refused to let me. They always sent me off with their daughter, Lucia.

It’s not that Lucia wasn’t good company, but she obeyed her parents to the letter, taking me to museums, the aquarium, and to market as a tour guide, not as a teenage girl. She distanced herself from me, making conversation difficult. She was patient and calm and a great listener, correcting my grammar until I didn’t need it anymore, but she was also plain. I missed the spontaneity I enjoyed back in America.

So after we went to the IMAX to see a movie, I asked to go to a club. Her eyes widened. This was not what we were told to do. I begged her, but she was adamant that we go right home.

So I ditched her, feigning getting on the bus, then jumping off. Her surprised face turned angry behind the glass. Neon lights beckoned and bass pulsed out into the street. Soon I was swallowed by rhythm.

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Comments (11 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Mostly Harmless {LoA}

    I felt the ending was a little rushed, and let the rest of the piece down a bit, but nonetheless you’ve constructed an interesting relationship and played with it…

    Nice entry – MH :)

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    I changed the ending, but it says the same thing.
    As far as a challenge entry, I doubt Drew is such a rebel. :)

  3. Avatar YodaOnCrack

    I wish you had cut to the chase in the opening and said, “Valencia’s architecture and lively social atmosphere changed me for the better…” While perfect grammatically, I want to see a more “in your face” opening from you. Paragraph 2 is perfecto! Agree that it’s a little rushed at the end, but overall a really cool piece! And thanks for the welcome back! – Yoda

  4. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    great advice yoda! I was really struggling with that as well. :)

  5. Avatar Mr.Gabriel (LoA)

    I would’ve ditched her too.

    Hate boring people.

    And for the rushed part. Hello? Have you read the challenge, besides 1024 characters has to go somewhere.

  6. Avatar Mostly Harmless {LoA}

    Great edit, I don’t think I meant the ending was rushed, I meant lacking…

    The ending doesn’t lack now, it’s much more lively, vibrant and suggestive – good work, MH :)

  7. Avatar Gradual Uprising {LoA}

    Haha this is great!

    (Not how I spent my weekend)

    but great! The funniest part though is that people like Lucia don’t exist here. I have fully visited almost every club that Valencia has to offer. (and gotten completely blasted) yes, my mom knows, don’t worry if she sees this

    haha- side note; well researched! I have done everything that Lucia’s parents want me to do.

    BTW my host bro’s name is Miquel :)

  8. Avatar Gradual Uprising {LoA}

    Congrats on the win! This totally represents the exchange student experience here, though didn’t really reflect my weekend.

    :) well deserved.

  9. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    well, I just made up something based on what I think my friend would have done on his foreign exchange experience. :)

  10. Avatar Gradual Uprising {LoA}

    you don’t know how bubbly warm your words made me feel! FRIEND!!!!

    thanks friend.

  11. Avatar Andy G {L.O.E.M.A.T.T.L.O.A.}

    good story, I also would have ditched this girl, I have done similar things when attempting to avoid ex girlfriends