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Avatar Author: ReynoldsEco Hi. I'm Eric... and I'm a PC. Read Bio

I cough, choke on black soot and gasp for air that tastes like sulfur. The loose beams of wood lay heavily on my chest. I push them off, pick myself up. I stumbled into a world of ash and flame, and then I slip, no slipped…

I lose track of tense.

I couldn’t hear them, not with the world still ringing in my ears. I could taste something rough mingling with the char against my tongue. Bronze, no, copper. Blood. I. Was not. Unscathed.

I slump to the ground, felt the wetness seeping from my stomach, put together the only pieces left for me to assemble.

My father decides to cook, turns on the gas, forgets to light the stove. He was supposed to be in a home. My mother was not home. She couldn’t be around him, not after the divorce. My brother still smoked. I had begged him to stop, but a man in his line of work laughs at the thought of a cigarette killing you. The gas was on.

I wonder if he laughs before he sparks the flame. I know there are trucks coming, I know I have to leave, I know not to sleep. I know-

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Comments (5 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Tsu D'nehm

    Wow. A very powerful and interesting piece indeed, perhaps the most skillful and subtle lean into a flashback that I’ve ever read.
    All those short scentences start to bite a little around the middle, but it definitely doesn’t detract from the overall feel, and I felt that despite the short amount written about each character you brought them to life perfectly.
    A well deserved hurrah!

  2. Avatar Mostly Harmless {LoA}

    I agree with Tsu, powerful is the word, and the way you navigate through time is really quite mesmerising – complex but very readable…

    The first person pitfall of lots of sentences beginning with ‘I’ is my main critique – a more varied sentence structure would push this up to a solid 5 – but overall, very engaging – MH :)

  3. Avatar Ruby Slippers

    Beautiful first paragraph.

  4. Avatar CarpeDiemKiddo

    This is beast.

  5. Avatar Textual Phoenix

    That was one of the best reads yet, for me. Fabulous job!

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