Open Wide

Avatar Author: Violet Turner A writer who tries to explores the human heart, as passionately as possible. Any criticism or advice would be greatly appreciated! Read Bio

“Come sit in the chair, Andy. Dr Peele will be here shortly,” an assistant with short bleached hair and a nose ring informed the lanky teenager, standing awkwardly in the corner of the room.

“I don’t want to,” Andy whined with a breaking voice.

“This is ridiculous! You are behaving like a 5 year old,” his mother spat angrily at him.

“Mom, I don’t want to get braces! I’m happy with my teeth. What do I need to fix?”

“Oh, Andy, look in the mirror! Your two front teeth are all crooked. You need to straighten them out.”

“But they’re not impairing me from doing anything. I don’t even notice them!”

“You’ll be sorry when all your friends have perfect teeth and you don’t!”

“Well, I think its a good thing. It makes me different from everyone else.”

“That’s pathetic! You shouldn’t have to look different to be different. Your personality should stand out. Now quit being a brat and get into the chair!”

“Is there a problem?” Dr Peele had emerged.

“No,” Andy sighed, and sunk into the chair.

“Good.Now, open wide.”

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Comments (5 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Lighty

    Wow, that mother is snappy. I like the line “You shouldn’t have to look to different to be different.” Very true!
    It’s a good premise, a nice take on the challenge but the conversation between mother and son doesn’t quite seem altogether plausible. Also on the second to last line I think you need ‘chair’ at the end.

  2. Avatar Mostly Harmless

    I agree with Lighty in that the mother sounds more like a vindictive sister than a parent, though I thought Andy was characterised well…

    Nice sentiment, what’s interesting is that although the mother character is the antagonist, she’s speaking sense, and that’s why I don’t think it reads as well as it could -perhaps she would be better imparting her wisdom gently and helpfully…

    Still, an interesting entry – MH :)

  3. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    @MH softly? Not if she’s a nagging mom, tired of her son’s constant desire to do the exact opposite of whatever she says. I think that’s a classic stereotypical mother/teenage son relationship. :)
    Notice the word stereotypical.. it doesn’t have to be plausible. Look at the moms who put their toddlers in beauty contests. That’s only one group of moms, but their conversations wouldn’t be plausible in print either.

  4. Avatar Mr.Gabriel

    Missed a space between the period and “now” on the last sentence. This was a good, a mom who wants a perfect son.

  5. Avatar Violet Turner

    @ Mr Gabriel – I know, I just didn’t have enough space!

    Thank you for the comments, I have edited the suggested edits.

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