Gaining a Daughter

Avatar Author: jesteram I like to hit 1,024 exactly. Read Bio

“C’mon! Do it!”

The best man was tapping his fork against his Champagne glass. Cheryl winced, not at the sound, but at the thought of such an expensive, easily shattered piece of crystal in the hands of someone so obviously drunk. As the mother of the groom, she wasn’t paying for any of this, but she still wrinkled her nose at the insistent clinking, the wine-stained tablecloths, the annoying emcee.

“Do it!”

More people joined in, until the newlyweds, rolling their eyes but smiling, kissed amid cheers and hollering. The bride, turning back to a conversation with her maid of honor, bumped a vase that wobbled a bit before tipping and spilling little polished beads down the center of the table.

“Clumsy,” Cheryl muttered as a waiter sat a plate down in front of her. Her husband, next to her, put his arm around her shoulders. Kissed her.

“Can you believe our boy finally found someone who would put up with him?” he said.

Cheryl lowered her face into the steam rising from her red, red lobster, and cried.

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Comments (6 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Ronnie

    Very smart way to complete the challenge.

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    she needs to consider how happy her son is, for a moment, instead of the messiness around her..
    maybe she’s right, maybe eventually her son will see what she sees, or maybe she’s just a neat freak who needs to loosen up..

  3. Avatar John Perkins

    Interesting twist on the more traditional idea of losing a daughter. You don’t normally think of the groom’s parents being sad to see their son go so much as you think of the bride’s parents.

  4. Avatar Spiderj

    Taking quiet moments at work to journey through your Ficly archives, jesteram.

    I thought this was pretty damn good. Then I saw the challenge it was entered for and realised how clever it was.

    Well played, sir.

  5. Avatar halfpenny

    I, too, think this was particularly clever for the challenge. It begs for backstory to tell us what is going on with Cheryl. Is she just crazy, or does she know something we don’t?

  6. Avatar J.M.V.

    The story is very well written, but the plot lacks creativity. It’s certainly a creative response to the challenge, though.

    The writing itself is very natural, it flows well and doesn’t jar the reader. My only criticism in this regard is the end- the language could stand to be more evocative, and the fact that they were serving lobster at a wedding seemed to overwhelm the emotion.

    I thought the focus on the parents’ relationship was an interesting touch.

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