Something for Him, Something for Her

Ahfl_icon Author: THX 0477 Dr. Tim's Neurotic Rules of Ficly Life [Disclaimer: This is not intended to be binding nor in any way an expectation of general members of Ficly, league members, family members or wearers of Member's Only jackets] ... Read Bio

“Urgnatha powder.” He said it quietly, reverently. In the hush of their humble cottage his wife’s blank expression scolded him as well as her words ever did. Still, that didn’t stop her from adding some words after he failed to proffer an explanation.

“You fat fetid fool, Urgnatha powder? Honestly? My mother was right about you…on both accounts.”

“Your mother don’t know a thing about my lineage,” he muttered a little too loudly.

His wife scoffed, “So no trolls of any sort in the family tree?”

He didn’t answer but turned to the table and began arranging a bowl and cup, pouring water and ale from one to the other. Indecipherable words escaped his lips. In turn the powder was added.

Leaning back into her rocker and returning to an ancient tome, his wife sighed and asked with only half interest, “What, exactly does Urgnatha powder do?”

He turned, bowl of glistening liquid in his hands, kicked the shabby door closed and approached his wife, “Urgnatha powder, my dear, kills witches.”

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Comments (12 so far!)

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  1. Avatar H.S. Wift

    HA! Great last line. SHE’S A WITCH! in essence. Top banana.

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    She’s an HERBALIST get it right! lol just kidding.
    Maybe you envisioned her more like Professor Sprout?
    I was thinking this was a pun on her character; an accusation. So if she’s being witchy, it wouldn’t work. Which begs the question, will it work??

  3. Avatar Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))

    Ooh, chilling. She gets her come-uppances :)

  4. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    My theory was that it takes more than an herbalist to make a bean that can access the realm of giants. They are, after all, “magic beans”, thus their creation had to have been at least somewhat magical; therefore, she’s a witch.

    Besides, I have it on good authority she weighs less than a duck.

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    lol, I was wondering about that. I mean it could have been a powder, a special liquid, bought at a price, that she applied at the correct time to make it magical. The beans could have been found, or handed down from her mother. :P I’m just being a pain. I’ll just say she’s a witch on all fronts and cede from the brainstorming session I have wrought upon myself.

  6. Avatar The Third Robot

    she got urgnatha powder pwnd.

  7. Avatar BegoniaRob

    Very good story arc.

  8. Avatar N. Robertson

    Oooooh, nice ending. Also well written over all. I like the pause induced with the comma after ‘what’. I can imagine exactly what it sounds like.

  9. Avatar James P Anderson

    haha she wieghs less then a duck, little holy grail ref. Nicely done, punch line in the end rocked it

  10. Avatar Paige Elizabeth

    Love the ending. She was asking for it.

  11. Avatar InLoveWithTheSky

    I actually think that I might like to have trolls in my family tree, it would make life a bit more interesting. Love the story, especially the surprise ending.

  12. Avatar Krulltar

    I love your take on this, and the dialog was spot on.
    1 bowl and 1 cup – 2 pence
    1 vial of Urgnatha powder – 5 pence
    1 cow – 5 magic beans
    Seeing the your wife’s face as you wisper “just die” was she takes her last breath – Priceless
    For everything else there is Visa

    It all makes sense now. He had no choice. He had to do it… ’ cause everyone knows that witches will cause a family cow to dry up which ends up killing babies. An’ you can’t be a successful dairy farmer if you has a dried up cow, now can you?