The Summons

Avatar Author: shadowlight I've been writing in one way or another for as long as I can remember and before that I was daydreaming (oh, wait...still do that). Favorite genres: fantasy/sci-fi, mystery, suspense, twilight zonish stuff etc. Pretty e... Read Bio

Fifty yards. Just fifty yards. Half a football field. Without the end zones. The distance between the edge of the woods at which he stood and his sister’s house. A few quick steps would take him across the dirt road and the yard, up the stairs and onto the porch. On a good day Sal could sprint that distance in five seconds flat.

And yet he hesitated.

This was not a good day.

Dark clouds filled the sky, covering the sun. They promised rain that would never come. Somewhere smoke spewed out of a fireplace sending the sweet scent of cedar into the air, nauseating him. The smoke didn’t come from his sister’s house. Sue’s house was dark.

And empty.

Cold.

Chills tripped along his spine.

Something wasn’t right. Sue had called him. Where was she? She should be here.

But she wasn’t.

They were.

And all around he sensed them watching.

Waiting.

Hoping he’d make a mistake.

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Comments (8 so far!)

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  1. Avatar RoseTone ~LoA~

    Sal! Don’t do it!

    The descriptions are well done, the tension and unease communicate well. A great beginning!

  2. Avatar shadowlight

    Rose,

    Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this for me. I’m glad you enjoyed it so much. Your encouragement and kind words made my day. Thank you so much.

  3. Avatar August Rode

    I think that you’ve set the tone up very well, although I do find it a little bit too choppy. For example, it seems to me that “And yet he hesitated.” would work perfectly well at the end of the previous paragraph rather than in a paragraph of its own. I find the same with most of the sentence fragments that you’ve used.

    The potential for prequels and sequels seems really good. One of the things that intrigues me is that, although Sue called Sal, he didn’t drive directly up to the house. I wonder what was said in that phone call.

  4. Avatar shadowlight

    Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed it and hope you’re right. I’m interested in seeing if anyone wants to prequel or sequel this. I agree with you about the choppiness. I had a hard time with that. I think I thought it might increase the tension. I’ll take another look. Thank you. As for the phone call, I’m not sure what was said. Maybe we’ll find out if someone writes a prequel or sequel. Thanks again August. I appreciate it. :o)

  5. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Ooh, that was a great set-up. You’ve got a good physical setting description, ominous overtones of a mysterious foes, and a heart-tugging reason to go forward despite the danger. Great job fitting all that into one little Ficly.

  6. Avatar smdasilva {LoA}

    What is with the clouds? Why won’t the rain ever come? Does it have something to do with the mysterious “they”? I am picturing something like an alien invasion, but that’s just me. Great job!

  7. Avatar shadowlight

    THX,

    I’m glad you enjoyed this. I like writing in this genre, there’s so much “scope for imagination” in it. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I appreciate it.

  8. Avatar shadowlight

    smdasilva,

    Ah, your questions make me wonder. I have some ideas, but nothing clear yet. The fact that you have so many questions makes me happy. That means I’ve captured your interest. Yay! Alien invasion??? Could be. Then again it might be…LOL Thank you so much for reading and for your encouragement. I appreciate it.

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