One way trip

Avatar Author: A Dabble of Thelonious Currently competing in a writer's block marathon. Please critique. I'm not in high school, my feelings won't get hurt. Read Bio

Some can fly. Some can read your mind or tell you who wins the game next week. Some lift thousands of pounds with one hand, or outrun bullets. Pure energy shooting from fingertips, sound wave compression and manipulation, shape shifting.
The list goes on.

Me? I can teleport 1.24 miles in a straight line.

It’s just as useless as it sounds. Do you know how many places you want to visit are exactly 1.24 miles away from you right now? Of course you don’t. Nobody does. Do you know what physical objects are occupying the space located 6,547 feet from you at this very moment? Of course not, but it’s very important information.

I bought a house last month.

It’s 6,537 feet from a local bank. I tried to get the next house over, but it wasn’t for sale.

I bought a gun last week. The guys down at the range say I’m a good shot, a natural.

I think I’ll turn in early tonight. Then, in the morning, I will put the gun in my jacket pocket and walk 10 feet onto my neighbors lawn.

We’ll see how the day goes after that.

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Comments (12 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar A Dabble of Thelonious

    Christ. Learn to proofread, ya amateur.

  2. Avatar Centipede Damascus

    Dang, this is pretty good!

  3. Avatar Meiz

    I likey.

  4. Avatar lastsyllable

    Nice. And of course, what cop would look for the person living at the house 1.34 miles away?

  5. Avatar Usagi

    I like that the tone is consistent, sounds like your average boring dude right up until he robs a bank. Well done.

  6. Avatar Proctagon

    This is really funny, Thelonius

  7. Avatar jesteram

    As I’ve noted elsewhere, I’m a sucker for cut-rate super powers.

  8. Avatar Olivaw

    Very nice. I liked it plenty.

  9. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Fun take on super powers and how they aren’t always as glamorous as one might imagine, what with skin-tight costumes and damsels in distress and all that. I think you’ve still got your numbers backwards on the distances.

  10. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    so how did the bank job go? oh wait i probably shouldn’t asking you this on ficly.
    I just haven’t heard from you in a month and your ex neighbors said you gave the house away and disappeared with some brunette in a bmw.
    awesome story but i really like the rhythm of it.

  11. Avatar StudMuffin (LoA)

    Funtastic. This is actually really brilliant.

  12. Avatar Kater

    This is such a great take on super powers. I love the set up and the way the character describes their ability. And of course, the end made me laugh.

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