Cold

Avatar Author: Bryar I'm fifteen. My name is Bryar. Nice to meet you. Read Bio

“Fuck that and fuck you.” The words echoed in the room and he stared into the heart of a man apparently unclear on the point of a happy ending, but desperate to make his frustration heard. “You call that happy?!” As the man buttoned his shirt and glared, Mass sat. He sat and he thought and he ran through everything that had happened to him that day. He thought about how he was capable of so much more, how his potential was being squandered, and he hung his heavy head. No one came in for the rest of the day. He swept and cleaned. He went to the corner and shut himself down before John came home.

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Comments (2 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Muse among Myths

    Dang, like a haiku intended to bring you down a little. Well written, but you start too many sentences with ‘He’. It works find here, but in anything longer it would get monotonous.

  2. Avatar YaYa

    Ambiguity, hoooo!

    Very well-written, but it’s crying out for a little more structure. Right now it’s just a swirl of depressing images, which is fine, but it needs to be tied together.

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