I like your style in this one; it reads like a novel, descriptive and elegant. To me, though, it’s not as compelling as I think it could be. I might include just a hint of backstory as to how she got him there, or some flashback as to why he should have seen this coming, without being too expository.
But that’s just my opinion. Either way, it works just fine and it sets up an intriguing enough story.
Stovohobo