There is absolutely no way to create the perfect lock. If it can be unlocked, it can be picked. The only things you really need are time and the right tools. If you truly want a worthwhile security system, get yourself a mean dog and don’t socialize it. Even dogs can be beaten, though, and there’s honestly no way on Earth to keep a determined human being from getting where they want to get. We’ve been to the moon, we’ve been to the ocean floors, and we’ve been everywhere in between.

I’m standing in Neal’s bedroom after picking two locks, a deadbolt, and disabling a security system. His vicious dog is enjoying a rack of beef ribs in the front yard. To Neal’s credit, it was a pretty complicated system and most homeowners would have shot me or called the cops by now.

Luckily, Neal is a drunk. He’s sleeping the slumber of Jack Daniels on his bed as his wife’s blood is drying on the sheets and his knuckles.

When I shoot him, I think of my father. I’m wishing I could have stopped him like I’m stopping Neal.