Not as it seems, or The Unicorn

Avatar Author: Oy Here for the time being... Read Bio

Jill would never forget the day she saw her first unicorn. It was so shiny, and full of life, and was standing, alone, in a field. Its horn glinted in the sunlight as it grazed peacefully with flattened teeth. Her best friend Cathy, who had been with her that faithful day, walked up to the unicorn and reached towards its mane to stroke it. Immediately, the unicorn lunged at Cathy, impaling her through the right lung with its horn. Her screams became watery with blood as they increased in intensity as the unicorn begun gnawing on her writhing form with sharp incisors hidden in its upper lip. Jill was frozen in place. When the screams stopped, the unicorn whipped its head up, the body flying off its horn and landing on the ground with a faint, wet squelching noise. The unicorn looked at Jill, with eyes now red and its nose and mane covered in streaming rivulets of Cathy’s blood. Jill ran.

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  1. Avatar Mostly Harmless

    The essential idea here is really strong, and I read it as a neat allegory for all beautiful things being dangerous on their own way…

    I do think you could have spent more time on the build-up though – I was barely finished visualising this unicorn in the field when suddenly there was a bloodbath going on!

    Structure also could have been a little more defined, and the title, although fit for purpose, kind of clues the reader in to the fact that a twist is coming, and dulls the shock a bit.

    Good wording in the last few lines particularly, and I like that the scene is set for some kind of ‘confrontation’ – with edits and possibly expansions, I really think this could be interesting – MH :)

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