The Only Way Out

Avatar Author: Mr.Gabriel I'm just... me _The Confessions of a Teenage Prostitute_: http://ficly.com/stories/10546 Read Bio

As I left the front door, I lit my cigarette with the lighter and next, my house. The fire spread quickly, and I could hear my kids coughing from their room.

Leaving on a dark and eerie night is so cliché, but I had planned it weeks ahead of time. My bags were packed at my sister’s apartment, and I saved up my own money in a bank account, under a new last name. Doing it in secret was the only way.

I kissed my husband passionately that night, something I hadn’t done in a while. It was a busy few years and I wanted to fix our relationship, but something always got in the way. None of it mattered now, but I had to do something before I left.

Sometimes people don’t understand exactly where you’re coming from. A lot of the times, you’re judged without having a chance. Until it happens to you.

I dialed the number I knew I had to from my cellphone.

“Yeah, Dad? It’s done. Pick me up before the firefighters come.”

I took my last cigarette drag as Aaron’s wife.

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Comments (14 so far!)

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  1. Avatar The Electric Hillbilly

    Oops, reread it again, really like this story and I was wrong. Paragraph 4 should be your opener. What an excellent paragraph it is! “As I left the front door, I lit my cigarette with the lighter and next, my house.” One of the best opening story lines I’ve read in years! Sorry to be so analytical, but please rewrite it with that line first???

  2. Avatar Mr.Gabriel

    Thank you for your advice.

    I took it and switched the paragraphs, and I agree it does seem better and more eye catching. Glad you enjoyed it.

  3. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    wow this was awesome. it could be the begining of something epic or stand alone. a gazillion pencils

  4. Avatar Mr.Gabriel

    I encourage anyone who feels they can write a prequel or even sequel, to feel free.

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Awesome. She is so detached. She must have done this before..

  6. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Really brutal, and other than the kids being up in their rooms I could imagine sympathizing with her. Good job conveying that absolute detachment, and the fact that the sister and dad are accomplice to it hints and much larger dysfunction.

  7. Avatar Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))

    Wow, Gabe. When you come back you come back screaming :)
    I could almost sympathise with this woman, but for her killing her kids… to what profit?
    I agree with the part about judging… nobody can truly judge until they’ve been through it.
    I’d love to know what drove her to such lunacy, but at the same time I feel like I’d be disappointed with whatever anyone came up with. That’s the problem with such ambiguous stories! Ah, the conundrum… I still love them,… love it!

  8. Avatar The Electric Hillbilly

    Outstanding revision

  9. Avatar D.E DeWitt

    Definitely leaves an impression in your mind. Can’t say I’ll be getting this image out of my head for awhile.

    It would be interesting to explore this character futher due to the fact that the woman seems to be close to her own father but destroys the father of her children along with her children. Intriguing.

  10. Avatar The Electric Hillbilly

    Begs for a sequel in my mind. Who is game?

  11. Avatar The Electric Hillbilly

    Oh, and I did enjoy it! This is aweome.

  12. Avatar Mr.Gabriel

    Well, TEH, if you wanna sequel, the door is wide open.

    Prequelling is even a huge possibility here.

  13. Avatar The Electric Hillbilly

    I plan to. Give me some time & I will.

  14. Avatar boxofun

    Very well written! We are immediately drawn to this apparently dysfunctional woman.

    The sentence “I lit my cigarette with the lighter and next, my house.” felt a bit awkward to me; I think it’s the “lit/lighter” repetition. Perhaps you can consider something like “I took the lighter and ignited my cigarette first. Then, the house.” Or if you prefer a more flowing style: “Zippo in hand, I lit my cigarette and then my house.” Another option is brevity: “I lit my cigarette, then my house.”

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