Ever sat on top of a dryer? Well, I haven’t, but I know the feeling. 6.3 inches long, you may think I’m short, but I’m bigger than the better parts of most men. And guess what? I fuck while you sleep.
We live beneath the floorboards. Remember that movie, The Borrowers? Well fuck that, we don’t borrow shit. We just fuck. Underneath your floorboards. And every time you walk over us? Yeah, she feels it. Thanks bro. Makes me feel like a fuckin jackhammer.
Do you know how amazing it is to be invisible? Not like, “Oh, I’m depressed cuz I fail at life and bitches don’t talk to me” invisible (yeah, fuck off Clay Aiken), think, “I’m a stealth ninja, you got a Maglite? Well fuck your shit, cuz I outrun light beams muthafuckas!” invisible.
When you go to sleep tonight, I want you to think about us, underneath your bed, listening to you breathe, fucking to the soundtrack of your nasal passages like your inhale/exhale is Barry fuckin White. Yeah. Oh, and about the squeaks? What can I say, I’m good. Cockroaches fuckin rule