A proposition, Mr. Pike....

Avatar Author: Riley itty bitty writer from humble beginnings. find me: - http://ficlatte.com/authors/Riley - http://figment.com/users/267679-M-K- Read Bio

A lone cowboy and his painted horse stood at the peak of a sunbathed hill,having a small staring contest with the rolling grasses below. Reminds me of home.. He thought to himself.His horse seemed to read his mind, and he nudged him on the shoulder. The man chuckled slightly, “yeah, I know buddy. You wanna be back in the village with Naynat and Momet..” he said,petting the bridge of the horses nose, and mournfully remembering his Blackfoot heritage. “Mr. Pike! Excuse me, Mr. Pike!” shouted a man in a suit. He had a red bow tie,a monocle, and a black top hat with a cane to match it. Mr. Pike grumbled as the man clambered up the steep incline, until he reached his perch. “Ah,Mr. Pike I have a proposition that may tickle your fancy..” he said with a grin. "I"d like ta hear it ranger, but nothing you would have to reckon with is of any interest to me or my horse.." he said with a tilted jaw and saggy eyed look of annoyance. The other man scoffed, “oh but you WILL enjoy it ever so much..” he said smirking.

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Comments (1 so far!)

  1. Avatar Kihd

    Hmmm…what could this proposition be? You’ve got some great imagery in here so far. The line about the staring contest with the grass was a good visual, and it really, uh, “tickled my fancy” (another fun line).

    I would watch out for run on lines, cuz they’ll make your writing seem muddled. I would change the second sentence so that “…he thought to himself.” and the dialogue before it would be its own sentence. So, the part about the horse nudging the guy would start a new one.

    Ehh thats kinda jumbl-y. Note me if you need clarification. Anyway, good piece. :)