Embellished, Somewhat

Avatar Author: Ford Dent Ford's name isn't actually Ford, but for the purpose of discussion we'll assume it is. He's not published anywhere, not yet. He will probably claim to still be unpublished after the fact so as to keep a hold on his stre... Read Bio

“It’s not an embellishment, it’s an accurate representation of the events of the previous evening!” Eloise brushed a speck of dirt off of a shirt that no longer had the capacity to appreciate such a gesture. “Anyway you haven’t even asked why you’re here yet.”

“I have failed to ask,” in an imperious tone. “Because the odds of your knowing the circumstances of my imprisonment are incredibly low. You’ve been here longer than I have, I shouldn’t wonder.”

“For matters entirely out of my comprehension, no less.” Eloise agreed cheerily. “And for knifing a nobleman in the groin. I think,” she frowned slightly. “It is entirely probable,” she continued. “That the knifing is more responsible than matters out of my comprehension.”

“You are no doubt exaggerating again, an action for which I have little patience at this point in time.” Edward strode to the cell door and began banging on it in an official manner. “You there! Turnkey! I demand to know the circumstances of my imprisonment this instant!”

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Comments (3 so far!)

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  1. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Knife in the groin… Ouch…

    Correction note: I think the first sentence in the second paragraph is meant to say he said instead of just said.

  2. Avatar Ford Dent

    I occasionally drop pronouns out just so I don’t feel like I’ve fallen into “He said, she said, they said,” territory. A bad habit I pick up every time I read Thomas Pynchon.

  3. Avatar April Raines

    I like the phrase – ‘Eloise brushed a speck of dirt off of a shirt that no longerhad to capacity to appreciate such a gesture.’ So much more vivid, in every way, than "Eloise had a dirty shirt’. :)

    I do agree with OrangeOreos – the ‘said’ is confusing. You could just leave it out. ‘Sides, there’s nothing wrong with ‘he said’.

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