Chain of Events.

Avatar Author: Silven Me am writer. Do words; many feels. Read Bio

In the temple district of Dar Vassir, a priest of Merciful Grevari was busy looking for the mysteriously missing robes he’d left in his locker. In the next district over, a shivering medicker awoke naked and lying on a table next to the body he’d called a priest in to bless. In the theater at the other end of the block a magician with a poorly crafted splint on his leg noticed that the capsules of fake blood he’d left on his prop chest were gone. In an alley along the route to the Naval harbor, a very confused Naval lieutenant who was slowly gaining consciousness found that his uniform had been replaced with medicker robes. At the entrance to the harbor, the guard on duty whistled a tune as one of the newly transferred lieutenants passed through the gates with a wave.

About then, the Archduke of Dar Vassir fell to his knees in an empty vault which had housed his fortune just this morning.

Aboard the Chimera, Garret and his fellow thieves were stripping off their stolen Naval uniforms as they left harbor.

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Comments (2 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Tina Murphy

    This felt more like an outline for the first chapter than the beginning of a story. I can see where you were having us follow the crumbs of reaction to end with the people who took action but it struggle to keep my attention. I liked the last two sentences because they gave me a foot hold into the people involved. Feels like the Thomas Crown Affair all over again!
    I’d read about a ship called Chimera! Cool!

    suggestions: in stead of using WAS as an action just use the action itself. So when you say “was busy looking for” Just say “looked” or “search”. Short and sweet.

  2. Avatar Jim Stitzel

    I agree with Tina’s critiques. It definitely felt most like a synopsis than a story beginning, but for all that, I’d read the story it describes.

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