Breezy Chair

Avatar Author: YaYa When YaYa was a boy, he discovered he had no discernable talents. Now he's an aspiring writer. Read Bio

The balloons were a good start. They gave the chair that nice floaty feeling. If my joints weren’t creaking I might still be tying the buggers, but this one’s better anyhoo.

I put my cane in the holder and chucked my newspaper under the tungsten-felt cushion. The Rocket Rascal and BBQBuddy would be torched by liftoff. With a whistle they zoomed to the edge of the driveway, the BBQBuddy blurting out a tinny “Yeehaw!”.

The reclining lever stuck. I reached over with my other arm and gave it a tug; the seat rumbled to life under my ass. Shoulda oiled it first.

Thrusters coughed, she lifted in the air. I rocked on her, testing the pitch and yaw. Nelly looked up from her SmartKnit needles and waved as I rose. I programmed the darn things myself and she still made ugly yarn messes every time.

50 metres in the air, I read the sports section, dipping to dodge a sparrow. The hands of Daddy’s watch read 4:57. I punched in the co-ordinates for Daisy’s Diner.

If the rockets hit 80% I could still make the Early Bird.

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Comments (7 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Vann Diras

    haha! old people

  2. Avatar Ten

    Old people and rockets, is there anything they can’t do?

  3. Avatar SlangSkald

    First impression is you do a great job of establishing the narrator as a character quickly. Even without the "I"s, it’s clear that this is a subjective view. I’m still a little iffy on “anyhoo,” but it fits the character so I’ll suck it up.

    Spelling quibble: Did you mean “tungsten?”
    Grammar quibble: In the third paragraph, you should use a semicolon after “tug” or change the sentence around a bit, because it almost looks like the seat is talking.

    “Quietly rocking” seems largely unnecessary, too – couldn’t it just be rocking? If he’s on a lawn chair in midair, I can’t imagine him noisily rocking – the use of “quietly” doesn’t really further specify the action.

    Overall, very good. Aside from those totally meaningless points, it’s a very solid microfiction: the arc of plot is perfect for the length and the character is well-described (although I don’t get much of a sense of him beyond “old guy”). The descriptions, sentence structure and overall vocabulary are stellar.

  4. Avatar Shorty

    Dude. This is the dad from Roundhouse, in 2060. Right on.

  5. Avatar Spiderj

    This old guy knows the score.

  6. Avatar strawberrymint

    I like how your character is pretty much established within the first few lines. The syntax and diction are immaculate (I haven’t found anything to complain about!) and convey the light-hearted mood well. Personally not a favorite piece, but a good piece of work nonetheless!

  7. Avatar Muse among Myths

    This makes me think of UP :)

    The old bugger isn’t a very clear character in my mind’s eye, but he suits microfiction just fin.

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