The First

Avatar Author: JayDee The patron saint of lost causes. Read Bio

“Your first time?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t know! I’d have taken it a little slower otherwise.”
“No, it’s ok, really.”
“No, it isn’t. You just seemed so confident, I just assumed you’d done this before.”
“Well I’ve done it now.”
“Look, just sit down for a second, let’s get you cleaned up. Quite a mess, isn’t it? Not like the movies at all.”
“I’m fine.”
“Ugh. Men. It’s ok to be a little shaken. It’s allowed. You don’t have to be all macho. Hold still, I’ve nearly got it all off.”
“Um. Does it get better?”
“What?”
“I mean, does it get easier?”
“Yeah… of course.”
“Really?”
“Well… no.”
“Good. I don’t think I want it to be easy.”
“A good attitude to have. How long have you been with the agency?”
“Three years.”
“Wow. They recruit them so young now. You know we did the right thing, don’t you? That man was an arms dealer to the worst kind of people. There, the blood’s come off.”
“It was so simple. I didn’t expect it to be so simple.”
“One thing you should know, David: This is never simple.

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Comments (6 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Sir Bic

    Nice twist.

    A capella Stories – Dialog without narrative – are difficult to sing. There is no music to hide disunity of harmony. There are no trailing crescendos to hold notes the singer cannot. You took a risk, but did it well. The rhythm was a little off at the end, however.

  2. Avatar Kihd

    I was about halfway through, thinking that maybe this should be labeled Mature, and then you dropped the bomb. This is hilarious! I love the part about it “not being like the moveis at all”.

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Loved it. The whole virginity parallel to killing worked really well, both on the humorous level and on a level of understanding the character’s feelings.

  4. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    nicely paralleled, I mimic THX. Since it wasn’t mature, I was watching for the twist. I knew it was coming, but not what form it would take. :)

  5. Avatar zxvasdf

    So brilliant I need to change my underpants

  6. Avatar JayDee

    Thanks guys! I admit, I love doing this style of writing. I’ve written a book or two, and in one of them, the whole first chapter is nothing except dialogue between two people.

    @Kihd and ElshaHawk
    I’m glad it surprised you guys!

    @Sir Bic
    I know what you mean about rythmn: by the time I got to the end, I was way over the limit, and I had to start chopping chunks out. The balance of the ending was put out by this, unfortuanately.

    @zxvasdf
    Maybe I should put a mature warning on it after all, if it has that sort of effect!

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