Ghost Story

Avatar Author: A Dabble of Thelonious Currently competing in a writer's block marathon. Please critique. I'm not in high school, my feelings won't get hurt. Read Bio

When I wake up, she’s sitting on the edge of the bed.

Same short skirt and fuck me pumps. Same black eye and trickle of blood. Same look of resigned defeat. Same silent tears.

I decide to try something different this time. I move over and sit next to her. Put my arm around her and tell her that it’s going to be alright.

She’s so cold.

I tell her that she doesn’t have to do this. It doesn’t have to be like this. She can leave, she can put an end to this, she can walk out that door and go home.

She doesn’t hear me, or maybe she just doesn’t believe me.

We sit like this for a long time. I talk a little more. Mostly about my wife and job and how I can’t wait to get back to them. Nothing gets through and I resign myself to the fact that I can’t help her. I go back to sleep.

When I wake up she’s gone and again I feel the hot spike of jealousy and rage. I hate her for her freedom. For leaving me alone here. I scream in frustration. Ranting at the world and this empty room.

I wish I could leave this place.

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Comments (5 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar jesteram

    Yow. I can’t stress enough how much I enjoy stories that have a twist I don’t see telegraphed from the beginning. Ghost stories that catch me get extra points. The implication of who she is and why he sees her so often is masterfully done.

  2. Avatar J.M.V.

    I like it, but for some reason the second to last paragraph doesn’t feel right. Maybe it’s the rational description of his mood against his irrational behavior.

    It’s certainly original, and that’s always a plus.

  3. Avatar Quetzi

    I like it, and while I understand it, I feel confused still when it ends, even on a reread. There is just this vague sense of confusion to it for me, and I don’t know why.

    Not really helpful, I’m aware. I guess I’d like to know more of the story, a more fleshed out something or another

  4. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    wow this is freakin amazing i am so sorry i never saw your work before this is incredible.
    227764pencils

  5. Avatar A Dabble of Thelonious

    Thanks Joe. I’d have more stuff on here but I’m on a two month streak of writers block. I just don’t have any stories that move me. Hopefully soon!

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