Secrets (An Amelia and Patrick Story). Part One: 2 of 2

Avatar Author: KeyAndra B. I'm a teenaged girl who started writing a tv show when i was 12, and eventually started writing stores on a fan website for a singing group including them and other fan in the story. And now i've just started writing a B... Read Bio

Patrick: Where u goin? I just got here.

Amelia: Well Duh! That’s y i’m leavin.

Patrick: Leave. Nobody want yo ugly azz over here anyway.

Amelia: Don’t start patrick, i’m not in the mood.

Patrick: Y? U got yo period?

Amelia: No. I’m just feelin sick.

Patrick: He gasps. Your pregnet?

Amelia: No u makin me naucious(sp) wit yo ugly face.

Patrick: You know wat?…. He steps towards me.

Darell: Hey, Break it up.

Amelia: Like i said. i’ma leave.Later D, J…..I look at patrick. Ugly.

Patrick: Bugs bunny.

Amelia: U know wat call me bugs bunny one mo gain! I say steppin towards him wit my fist up.

Darell: Just leave Amelia da.mn.

Jarell: We gon catch up wit you later.Aight. He winks.

Amelia: Aight.

Amelia’s POV:

I look and see patrick gettin all mad lookin @ me then J then me, then J again. WTF is he jealous??? I roll my eyes. Wateva i ain’t got time to be worrying about patrick….. I leave the mall and start walking home……

END OF PART ONE, WANT MORE?

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Comments (4 so far!)

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  1. Avatar YaYa

    No, not really.

    First of all, please, PLEASE use proper grammar. This is writing, not instant messaging, there are rules to follow. Second, although I admire the idea, scripts just aren’t the right fit for Ficly. Short fiction is what we want here.

    Try reading some of the other stuff on here to see what sort of formatting and storytelling this site is intended for. If you can adjust your scripts to fit the word limit and style, then bravo to you, but right now they just don’t fit.

  2. Avatar J.M.V.

    What are you trying to say here? Really, you’ve said nothing.

    Spelling, grammar, plot- it all needs some serious work. Please do try to improve, I’m sure you can.

  3. Avatar Tommy T.H.

    I agree with Yaya.

    The grammar and spelling are really an eyesore, and fixing them would really help your stories in general.

    It would also help if you changed up your format to something a bit less instant message looking. As Yaya said, just read some of the other stories on the website, I’m sure they’ll give you an idea of what to aim for.

    As for the whole bolded and italiced sections, I really have no idea what to tell you, other than stop it. Please. Again, narrating it in a different format will help.

    As for your question, “WANT MORE?”

    No, not at all

  4. Avatar KeyAndra B.

    Man whatever i don’t like this site anyway……OTHER websites and people liked my stories so whateve…..

Inspired by

PART ONE Amelia and her brother is eating lunch at the mall. Amelia’s POV: Amelia: So where u goin after u eat? Darell: Pat and J gon m...

Secrets (An Amelia and Patrick Story) Part One: 1 of 2 by KeyAndra B.