Unification of two stars

Avatar Author: Burning Organ I'll be honest: My English isn't that good. Read Bio

A white lance of energy pierces the planet and turns it into pieces flying everywhere.
Honestly I’m insulted. He really thinks a planet could hurt me? I know this is only really a bar brawl, but a planet? I’m going to show him how real gods do battle.

While the thoughts go through my mind, he comes and grabs me by the throat. Then he tries to ram me into the star right behind me, but I’m seeing this coming from far away.
Instead of trying to push him off I decide to just redirect his momentum straight into that star instead. Make him think about some stuff while feeling some heat.
While he does that, I decide to put some distance between us. Make him think I’m scared. I feel the mental energy of his rage as the star turns into pieces and he starts coming after me while I go for the twin stars.
He’s just behind me, but he hasn’t noticed that I’ve manipulated the stars to come closer to me. Just as he grabs my foot I make a final push, grab the two stars and slam them into him.
This will put the bastard down.

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  1. Avatar J.M.V.

    Big words, passive phrases, and the characters as objects are conflicting with the tense action of the situation. You also stress the power of the characters a little too much- show us that they’re powerful, don’t tell us.

    I like the concept, though.

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