The Big Hard Chilly Sleepy Goodbye

Avatar Author: Skull Man Sometimes I write joke stories. If a story of mine is really bad, assume it's a joke story. Read Bio

It’s a hard city, and a hard night. Luckily, I’m hard man, or it would be luck if I believed in luck, which I don’t, except that you make your own luck, and you have to, especially in a city this hard. Speaking of hard, I’m Joe Bennedict, like the egg, not the traitor, except I’m more prone to cracking cases than cracking shells. Because I’m a private eye. Or a private dick, though mine’s been on display more times than I care to count in more bear-traps than I’ve got time to go into. Because a case just walked in, and I don’t mean the kind you keep your business papers in. I mean the kind with legs like a sequoia more curves than a bootlegger’s roadmap. She walks in and takes my breath like she’s starting a collection.

“I’m looking for my husband,” she says, and I feel the Almighty slamming his big mitt into the back of my head and reminding me that I have a pretty good thing going with Candy Stripes, who spends more time at the hospital than an ambulance with a busted axel.

“I’ll take the case,” I say.

View this story's details

Prequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Sequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (3 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Skull Enthusiast

    “She walks in and takes my breath like she’s starting a collection.”

    positively bone-chilling.

  2. Avatar AM FM

    You are what this country needs. A man who isn’t afraid to tackle similes.

    You’re a true hero.

  3. Avatar Jermaine Champagne

    This should be expanded into a book

Whoa there, partner, hold up!

Looks like this story has been marked as mature by its author. If you're okay with that, go ahead and give it a read.

Otherwise, why not check out another great story?

Stories marked with the tag Mature include content of a mature nature that may not be suitable for everyone. Proceed with caution. See our Community Standards page for more information on what constitutes mature content on Ficly.