Sam's Advice

Avatar Author: Onion Camp Read Bio

“Stop it. Stop it right now!”
Sam grabbed the phone from my clammy hands and held it over her head in a grand assertion of authority.
“But-” I pleaded.
“No.” Dramatically, Sam threw it across the room, where it landed with a feeble thump on the rug. I flinched.
“Calling him shows weakness!” She sat down on my bed and massaged her temples in frustration.
“Why do I have to tell you this? Zach’s a great guy, but, listen carefully,” she grabbed my wrists, forcing me to look into her hazel eyes. Hazel eyes the same shape and color as our mother’s had been; powerful eyes that demanded submission. Hazel eyes that seemed invincible, eternal and all-knowing.
“ZACH DOESN’T LIKE YOU!” She shouted, each word enunciated to feel like a slap in my face.
She let go of my wrists and stood up, facing away from me. I didn’t speak, staring angrily at my oxfords. My eyes began to water.
It wasn’t my sister’s harshness that got me; it was the truth in her words.
Finally, in a low, shaky voice, I broke the silence.
“I know.”

View this story's details


Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?


Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (2 so far!)

  1. Avatar Krulltar

    You did a good job of “show, don’t tell” in this story, but a few parts just seemed ‘clunky’. The part about the hazel eyes was a nice way to show that their mother was no longer around, but it did nothing to advance the scene or the characters motivations (although, it could be developed to show the girls need to cling to Zach because of her mothers absence)

  2. Avatar Onion Camp

    I agree completely, thanks for the comment!

This story's tags are