Ginger

Avatar Author: J.M.V. I forgot about this place for about a year. I'm going to try to put out a couple stories. Remember, ratings inflation is a bad, bad thing. Read Bio

I knew she didn’t understand; this kind of thing always confused her. She’d lick my face clean and be happy enough for both of us. She’d always been there with that same stubborn simplicity. That’s the way it was now, just like the hard times.

I buried my face in her neck. The familiar nutmeg smell, pounding heartbeat, big black eyes; today they mocked me.

I remember the way she’d lay her head in my lap and just stare up at me, how we’d wrestle over her rope, how she always thought company came just to see her. When she got real excited, her tail would get moving so fast it took half her body along with it. That still makes me smile, even on the bad days.

She laid down and let me stroke her behind the ear the way she liked. I’d expected her to struggle, but she was calm.

I think she understood then.

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Comments (14 so far!)

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  1. Avatar J.M.V.

    I held onto this enough, it’s as good as it’s going to get without input.

    Input?

  2. Avatar Zoel

    It’s really good. I was initially going to complain that you don’t make it clear the dog is being put down, but then I realized that I realized the dog was being put down.

    I don’t know if you need the phrase “I always loved that.” because it’s not terribly descriptive and it’s already sort of implied; there might be a better way of expressing that.

  3. Avatar J.M.V.

    Your right. I changed it to “That always made me smile, it still does sometimes.” The phrasing there needs some polish, but I think it adds another element.

    I was shooting for subtlety. You getting it but not realizing that you got it is just about perfect.

  4. Avatar lostsalient

    Ohh noo, sad dog stories!

    The touch with the tail is perfect. We called it the “full-body wag” with my dog.

    You do a great job of writing this piece with emotion, but without anthropomorphizing her at all. You might want to change the capital "M’ in “I buried My face…” since I’m pretty sure it snuck in there. The only other suggestion I have is to change some of your commas to semicolons in one or two places, since the ideas are distinct but interdependent and it might make for a smoother read. However, it might just be a natural part of your narrative voice.

    ‘Seymore’ is the best tag ever.

  5. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Very sad, and I thought the whole subtle approach worked well and was fitting for the material. As aware as we are of things, sometimes it’s more comfortable to keep them just at the edge of consciousness. I think the writing mirrors that here: you don’t come write out and say it cause the protagonist doesn’t want to fully think it either.

  6. Avatar Butler

    A simple idea executed very well, exactly what ficly is for. Since you mentioned you were reworking that particular sentence though, may I suggest just “That still makes me smile sometimes.”

  7. Avatar Mirror

    Very nice subtlety. You could feel the stuffiness just building as you read.

  8. Avatar J.M.V.

    I edited again- some punctuation and capitalization issues, the smile thing.

    Any more thoughts?

  9. Avatar lostsalient

    Practically perfect in every way as it stands right now, I think.

  10. Avatar Spiderj

    Now I’m glum. Thanks.

    I’m guessing the semicolon edit lostsalient suggested has been done because those semicolons all up in there are doing a great job at the moment.

    I think the pace is nigh on perfect. “…this kind of thing always confused her” is horribly sad.

  11. Avatar jesteram

    My favorite line: “how she always thought company came to see just her.”

    I understand why the dog’s eyes are mocking the narrator now, but that’s more in the owner’s interpretation of events and context, yes? To me, there’s just a hint of implication that the dog is actively mocking her owner. Or maybe I’m just nitpicking.

    Thanks for the sigh-inducing start to my day.

  12. Avatar J.M.V.

    The whole thing is very much from the narrator’s perspective- note the extreme anthropomorphism in the first paragraph.

    If I ruined your morning, I think I hit my goal.

  13. Avatar blindeinstein

    That totally bummed me out. which is to say, congrats on writing an excellent piece. I really wanted to give the narrator a hug at the end.

  14. Avatar John Perkins

    Am I the only one who reads this as a bestiality piece? I mean, I know it’s about a dog being put down, and that’s sad and all, but nobody else even sees it a little?

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