Brad watched It light a cigarette with the ground.

“Why am I here?” Brad asked.

It raised what might have been an eyebrow. “Isn’t that obvious? You didn’t—”

“I was a good person.” Brad interrupted. “I never cheated on my wife, I gave to the poor, I went to church…”

It scoffed, half chuckling. “You were a good boy, eh? That act is easy enough. Even we got a bunch of our own down there doing good deeds for show.”

“I didn’t do it for show. I genuinely cared! I’m telling you, I don’t belong here!”

It smiled then burst into a rolling fit of laughter. “The old ‘Good hearts go to Heaven’ bit. I can’t believe how many humans we screw over with that one!”

Brad looked confused. He waited for It to collect itself.

“Good hearts don’t go to Heaven, Brad. Pure hearts do. The ones purified by the Spirit. You went to church; you knew that. But don’t worry. I had a pure heart once. They’re quite over-rated.”

“You mean you chose Hell?” Brad asked, surprised.

It grinned. “Yes. And truth is, Brad, so did you.”