Darkness Into Light

Avatar Author: Phoenix Read Bio

Everything was going dark. She’d never felt so alone. Everything was just piling up, piling on, something had to change.

She’d tried for so long. Nothing happened. Nothing helped.

This was probably an extreme way to handle this. But what other options were there, really?

She’d passed the point of no return now. It was getting darker. Everything was getting harder. She wondered briefly what things would be like when this was done. Better, probably. She hoped so anyway.

Everything went dark. And then?


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Comments (3 so far!)

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Sounds like a suicide? Not a happy topic, but it works. On the other hand, it remains pretty vague and generic. Some personal details or even random details might have made it more personal or effective—stuff like what her particular concerns and worries are.

    Also, the third sentence is a ‘comma splice’.

  2. Avatar Phoenix

    The comma splice was intentional. I tried it with a semicolon, but that screwed with the pacing of the sentence — I wanted that whole paragraph to feel sort of rushed.

    My intent was really just to create a picture of that specific moment. Personal and random details seemed like they’d be sort of extraneous.

  3. Avatar Infinity.

    this sort of sounds like a story I did that had this same sort of direction.
    I know for sure that this isn’t a happy story, but it would be interesting to know what’s happening in this characters life.

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