Right Fit

Avatar Author: 32 ^2 Old Profile 32 Squared http://ficly.com/authors/lender-truth Read Bio

“Funny how a gun in certain hands just doesn’t look right.”

“I know what you mean. Those femmy movies don’t work for me, most women look stupid holding a gun. Sometimes it could just be the wrong size, too big to fit in her bra or purse. I wish those writers would do their homework.”

“There’s some men who don’t look right holding a gun either. They show banger’s shooting from the hip or holding the gun sideways. All from rap videos….I don’t get it, you can’t hit a target that way.”

“Just consider it lives saved.”

“Let me have a look. He has them all on the floor. It looks like the teacher bled out.”

“How’s he holding his gun?”

“Like any teenager who’s played one too many video games. Sloppy. It’s too big and heavy for him. If he would just stop pacing we could get our shot and go home. Here, take a look.”

“I see what you mean. His hand is shaking, he can’t hold up the gun anymore. Be ready to take a shot, he’s going to switch hands.”

“In my hairs.”

“Steady.”

“Booyah!”

“Sweet & messy. Nice shot.”

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Comments (3 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    It’s funny, cause I just barely wrote a piece with just dialog, so it’s good to see someone else do the same thing, albeit an entirely different topic.

    Their calm demeanor comes through nicely, sets the tone and characterizes them quite a bit. Nice job also getting across the expositional elements, hinting at a few others, and covering the action, all just with dialog.

    Can’t find anything to nitpick, so great job. Okay, it’s a bit macabre, but I’ve dealth with a few snipers, and they can actually be like this.

  2. Avatar Infinity.

    ^^ THX, what? you’ve dealt with snipers?? what on earth do you do???

    This is a great story, just like he said, the characters really bring out their own personalities all with being sort of nonchalant and sort of humorous. I like the way you set the tone to this, and how it is all dialogue. I actually don’t feel like there should be detail to it, i like how all the focus is on the words and the ending is semi…entertaining, but not in a sick murderous way. Just the way you wrote it made me chuckle.

    good write for sure.

  3. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    I was kind of shocked to find them as snipers, so good job with the twist. For a moment i thought it might have been two crime scene detectives, replaying the murder, but finally the realization hit, bringing it all together in one glorious, albeit bloody scene.

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