A Generic Horror Story

Avatar Author: Nickel I've written some fairly mediocre stuff in the past, and now I'm hoping to go past that and maybe achieve 'average'. Still hoping to pick up some skills from the writers I see here - I'm hoping absurdly that maybe if I ha... Read Bio

“Mom?”

A hint of movement, somewhere in the darkness nearby. Mom shook her head, eyes wide. “Don’t make a sound. They’ll hear us.”

Glass tinkled outside.

“I’ll look,” I whispered.

I moved over to the boarded-up window, peeked through a crack. The street was dead. Ghostly silent. Cars lay haphazardly across the street like discarded toys. But the night was empty.

There was a crash below us! Wood splintering!

Mom’s voice, a terrified hiss: “Quickly! Get back here!”

I fumbled with the tape, pressed it over the crack. The darkness became complete.

Crouching low, trying to be silent, I tried to work my way back to Mom. The darkness smothered me. My fingertips traced the dusty concrete.

A sound. Scraping.

“Mom?”

I found Mom’s hand. Outstretched on the floor. Limp.

I trembled.

Again, the sound—of breathing.

Very slowly, I reached into my pocket and drew the last match we had. I struck it against the wall.

For a moment, many eyes hovered around me, shining like empty glasses.

Then the match went out.

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Comments (3 so far!)

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  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    That was creepy. Nicely done, even if I have no idea what is hunting these two. Was the line, “Be real quick.” supposed to be by the mom? If so, it should go on a separate line.

  2. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    Good build up. You maintain a nice level of tension throughout. Your writing style here is almost stream of consciousness, which is great and very refreshing. I agree with THX about the new line niggle.

    Scary last line. Made me shiver =)
    Abby x

  3. Avatar Nickel

    Actually, the line was supposed to be said by the kid: “I’ll look; [and will] be real quick.” But I realize that the second part is kind of confusing and unimportant, so I think I’ll delete it and use the extra characters. :D

    Also, thanks! I’m not familiar with this style of writing, so I thought I’d try my hand at it. Happy that it doesn’t seem too bad.