Rooftop Ballet

Avatar Author: HSAR Master of the Armory and Chief Nibmaker of Our Strange and Wonderful House. It's a pleasure to meet you. Like many others in this community, I have no qualifications for writing except a head full of ideas and a passio... Read Bio

This is my art, my music, my drama. Some might doubt its beauty, but to me there is nothing else. You’re just in time for the introduction.

Here I am, and there he is.

It starts off perfectly fair. We both know we’re in this waltz of weaponry, but finding the other first is the key to finishing alive. So we edge around our corners and peer down the streets, looking for the other. Always ready for the ideal opportunity, the magic moment.

In this game, you’ll never see who kills you. Only one in a hundred times will you even have an instant’s notice that you’ve lost. The right moment is the right moment, and the right moment for you is the worst moment for him.

The sounds outside this moment are plentiful; other men exchange bullets like news in the street. But to us, all is silent until the climax when all is made clear – one man dies, and one man lives.

And that is my Picasso, my symphony, my Hamlet. A dance of death. Make of it what you will.

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Comments (2 so far!)

  1. Avatar August 2nd

    This is a gorgeous piece of writing. The flow is perfect. The phrasing is elegant, almost like poetry.

    One thing didn’t work for me and that was your alliteration in the second last sentence. Dance of death was fine, ballet of bullets seemed slightly forced but still okay, but I think you tried too hard and lost the moment with tango of triggers.

    The other thing I’d note has to do with two sentences: “Of course, I don’t know exactly where he is. Neither of us do.” Taken literally, you’ve said that he doesn’t know where he is which isn’t what you meant. A bit of rewording would straighten it out: “Of course, neither of us knows exactly where the other is.”

  2. Avatar HSAR

    Thanks for the feedback. I had to move a few things around at the last minute, so a few things may have become a little jumbled up.

    I’ll edit.

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