Charlie's Gone

Avatar Author: Writtence Read Bio

The morning reluctance clamped to the activities of the waking house. Charlie’s mom and dad rolled out of bed. When showers were done and breakfast was eaten, when every sleepy excuse to not start the day had been used, a yell barraged Charlie’s bedroom.
“GET UP.”

But no one answered. Footsteps. Door creeks open gently. Soft. Whipser. “Charlie?
CHARLIE? CAMDEN! Charlie’s gone. Charlie’s gone.

“WHAT?” roared Charlie’s dad. He took the stairs three at a time, calling his child’s name. He flopped over the covers and looked in the closet. “Call the cops. Call 91-.” But his wife already had her cellphone out, “Yes, hello. I’d like to report a missing child. Yes, my address is…”

Camden’s eyes shut, blocking her voice out. Charlie had been angry. He came home and he was angry. We ate dinner. He was-

“…Buckington Drive, PA…”

-too quiet. He just ran away. He has to be in the woods. Not too far. “Honey, I’m going to look outside,” Camden said, but his wife was still on the phone.

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Comments (4 so far!)

  1. Avatar 32 ^2

    I enjoy your word choices. The dialogue needs some work. It’s hard to write dialogue and still try to show a distressful situation.

  2. Avatar Writtence

    I agree. I’ll brush it up a bit. I have a few extra characters left I’ll distinguish between the thoughts in the dads head and the words that the mom says

  3. Avatar airborne

    This is good stuff, the tone and rhythm are compelling – a minor point though – you might want to keep the perspective the same – it’s confusing when Charlie’s dad suddenly changes to Camden and he’s the main character. Overall, I would say this is a good piece!

  4. Avatar Writtence

    Okay, I see your point. But I already introduced the guy in a previous ficlet. With that in mind, should it still be clarified? And thank you both for the construction.

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