Once Lost...

Avatar Author: Cheesy80s Journalist. Writer. Lost in imagination. Pretty much how I've been described since my boyhood. Read Bio

I still haven’t been found.

The moss, pungent with loam and decayed leaves, has returned. The rains have long since leveled the slight mound that concealed my body. There are bones, my bones. Mostly healthy, once framing me with veins, muscles, meat. Life.

No more.

If someone were to find my bones, they’d still be vibrant, starched against the blackened earth beneath. Someone might even see the slight knot on the femur where it once broke and healed when I was eight.

No one wanders this deep into the forest. Or at least not this way. The campgrounds from where I was abducted are half a day’s hike to the south, closer to the road carved along Blackshear’s base. My burial site is well beyond the creek or the exposed rock face where many of the locals like to climb.

Ten years since I’ve been murdered. Ten years since I felt the flaming incision of the blade against my throat and then cold and sleep. Ten years, and I still haven’t been found.

But he returned today. My murderer. With another body.

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Comments (8 so far!)

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  1. Avatar memento

    Quite well done.
    In the third sentence of the third main paragraph, your subject (campgrounds) disagrees with the verb (is). You could change either one to match the other and I don’t think it would harm anything. Also, while I’m not going to say it’s grammatically incorrect, starting a sentence with “and” is a bit awkward.
    These things aside, this is a very compelling, well described, and well paced story. Bravo.

  2. Avatar Sanglorian

    This is the second creepy ficly I’ve read in a row! It’s really nicely done, and I’m interested to see where you take it. The obvious would be to have the girl as a ghost, but maybe it would be more powerful if she were completely helpless and unable to influence the world in any way – she just has to watch and describe the work of her murderer.

  3. Avatar Cheesy80s

    Thanks Memento, Sanglorian. Nice to get feedback. Memento, made those suggested changes, I appreciate it.

  4. Avatar memento

    Anytime. Everything looks great.

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    melancholy, as the person reflects on the loneliness, but also creepy with the twist at the end. Well done!

  6. Avatar Onion Camp

    I love this! Creepy twist at the end: I want to know more!

  7. Avatar Amaris Wolfe

    beautifully written, lovely story! And yes, pretty creepy all the way through in a most excellent way, but I also sense bitterness and anger. I like it. I like it a lot.

  8. Avatar righterellis

    This seriously gave me the chills, well done.