Iron Seduction

Avatar Author: Butler OOOOOH WORDS WORDS WORDS Read Bio

As my apartment door clicked shut behind me I suddenly realised that something was different. The lights were already on, but turned down low, and there was a strange smell… I looked down and saw a trail of diced green capsicum. Oh God, it’s him, I thought as my heart skipped a beat. He’d read my letters and now he was here. My briefcase slid from my hand as I followed the trail to the bedroom.

There he was, on my bed – my bed – naked save for his shimmering cape. My mouth hung open as I struggled to describe the feelings rushing through me, but in a flash he was on his feet, placing a gentle, manicured finger on my lips.

“Tonight’s ingledient is…” With a single flourish he tore all my clothes from my trembling body. “YOU.”

“Chairman Kaga,” I whispered as my heart pounded, “you’re trying to seduce me.”

The Chairman encircled me with his arms, put his lips close to my ear and bellowed at the top of his lungs, “WOULDA YOU RRRRRIKE ME TO SEDUCE-A YOU?”

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Comments (14 so far!)

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  1. Avatar lostsalient

    Oh my god, the last paragraph made me laugh so hard I choked and nearly died.

    I hope you’re happy with that knowledge.

    Also the answer to your tag is “possibly definitely yes, you terrible person, you.”

  2. Avatar Butler

    Well Kaga genuinely does talk like that. I’m not saying anything about ALL Japanese people.

  3. Avatar Spiderj

    Trying to restrain my laughter (I am in a public place) I caused coffee to shoot from my nostrils.

    Real minor suggestion:

    Oh God, I thought as my heart skipped a beat, it was him, he’d read my letters and now he was here.

    I find the final comma here a little uncomfortable. I read it as “Oh God, it was him” seems to me a complete thought and I think a semicolon would fit nicely in place of that comma.

    I am an advocate of the semicolon though. It is a much abused and often neglected device.

  4. Avatar Spiderj

    And of course in making grammatical suggestions I write a pig’s ear of a sentence. Alas.

    Also alack.

    Ignore my wretched intervention.

  5. Avatar Yuriy Zubovski

    Strangely reminiscent of The Adventures of Nick Danger – I love it!

  6. Avatar Butler

    Duly noted, SpiderJ, I’ve changed that part.

  7. Avatar Olivaw

    God I love Iron Chef.

  8. Avatar DarkPrimus

    I sometimes wish I could be that bell pepper.

  9. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Heehee!!! I wish I had known about iron Chef before I read this. It made me laugh on the inside before, but now I have a full-blown smile on my face. Great!!!

  10. Avatar April Raines

    Personally, I’d prefer to be seduced by Alton Brown, but that’s me. :)

    I too gigglesnorted. Much fun!

  11. Avatar these are your nuts, sir

    Is this racist????

  12. Avatar Shorty

    When I played Persona 3, I named the main character Takeshi Kaga. I like to think P3 is a prequel to Iron Chef.

  13. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Hilarious. I had to check it out based on the title alone. It made much more sense once I googled both Capsicum and Chairman Kaga, but surprisingly I was still amused as I read even without knowing the references.

  14. Avatar N555champ & X-Ninja

    Hah, I think the ability to tear someones clothes off that easily would be awesome. Also very good comedic story.