naming the firstborn.

Avatar Author: mark.i.wang Goals as a commenter: 1. Comment/Ficlet ratio = 5:1 2. Provide consistent feedback 3. Provide feedback to lightly commented ficlets 4. Comment on unfinished drafts. Goals as a writer: 1. Fully convey an emotion ... Read Bio

“I like the name Thomas.”
Henry sighed. Sarah was being stubborn.
“Honey, we already discussed this… I thought we’d agreed on Gabriel.”
Henry thought to himself, in situations like this, the best tactic is a mixture of 85% reasoning and 15% pleading. She won’t be swayed by argument alone, but if the mixture is too rich… She’ll think it’s whiny.
“I don’t know, Gabriel is three syllables. You know how we talked about three syllable names… It’s just so uneven.”
“Babe.” Lower voice to a comforting, but solid baritone. “Gabriel has a special place in my parent’s heart. It’d mean a lot to my mother.”
“Ok….” – Sarah relented, exhaling through her nostrils. Henry knew he had his victory, “OK. I gotta call Mom now, tell her the good news!” End on an upbeat note. Time to make a quick exit before she changes her mind.

A nurse, having overheard the conversation, walks to Sarah’s bedside and whispers, “I thought you liked the name Gabriel?”
“I do… But now he thinks he owes me.”

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Comments (3 so far!)

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  1. Avatar mark.i.wang

    argh. i’m not happy with the internal dialogue transition, anybody have any suggestions?

  2. Avatar Sanglorian

    Excellent! Turning the tables on the man who thinks himself a master manipulator. I didn’t notice any problems with the internal dialogue transition.

  3. Avatar ~Eagle~My~Beagle

    Very nice. The concept is perfect and the dialogue is good. I agree, the internal part is very tricky, I’ve never figured it out myself.