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Avatar Author: Abby (LoA) Gonna miss you guys so much. My 'official/professional' email is: abbywall2440@gmail.com in case anyone wants to keep in touch! Read Bio

“You don’t know me, Roz.” Inhalation – that glorious, rich, bitter smoke I’d always been so determined not to become attached to. “You don’t know what I’ve done…Jesus! Sometimes I wish that I could see their faces, you know? Like they say in the films. But I gave up the luxury of guilt a while back. See, I had the choice between feel and freeze. And it’s getting cold out here.

“I’m tired. That’s all that’s left to life when you take away the heartbreak and fear, the anger and pain and ecstatic joy – tiredness. And you take a step back, a leap, and you think: when did everything get so fucked up?”

The rail was icy under my wrists, rain piercing invisible holes into my skin. A meat tenderizer to my back.

“There isn’t a way to be good again. There isn’t any point in trying. There isn’t a time in my life at which I can look back and think: God! I wish I was there again. So yeah, maybe I do deserve this constant abuse. And the most tragic part of it?"

“What?”

“My world is ten times more beautiful than yours.”

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Comments (14 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Tad Winslow

    A’int no bigger regrets than smoking cigarettes. The opening made me want to walk to the store for a pack. Even though I quit more than a year ago. God damn the last line. God damn it. That’s really all I have to say… and I mean it in a good way.

  2. Avatar Tad Winslow

    *Ain’t

  3. Avatar mark.i.wang

    Great scene. " And the most tragic part of it?" is a little awkward – I don’t know what that’s called, but I think phrasing like that is typical for a single person monologue, rather than a dialogue.

    It might sound more natural if it was “And that’s not the most tragic part of it.” “Really?” etc. Or something along those lines.

  4. Avatar mark.i.wang

    Great scene. " And the most tragic part of it?" is a little awkward – I don’t know what that’s called, but I think phrasing like that is typical for a single person monologue, rather than a dialogue.

    It might sound more natural if it was “And that’s not the most tragic part of it.” “Really?” etc. Or something along those lines.

  5. Avatar mark.i.wang

    Great scene. " And the most tragic part of it?" is a little awkward – I don’t know what that’s called, but I think phrasing like that is typical for a single person monologue, rather than a dialogue.

    It might sound more natural if it was “And that’s not the most tragic part of it.” “Really?” etc. Or something along those lines.

  6. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Last words while dangling at the edge of the world. Tragic, yet I really feel that she jumps and ends it with no regrets.

  7. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    @mark, i cut it down from a larger scene and the character limit prevented me from adjusting it. it was originally a monologue.

    Thanks everyone =) My first bit of prose in quite a while.

  8. Avatar EmmaLine

    Last line was gave me chills. Excellent piece! :)

  9. Avatar Robert Quick

    Always good to see a piece from Abby!

  10. Avatar madiloveszombies

    Great piece. The ending.. I can’t find any words to describe how I feel about the ending, really. It’s been stuck in the back of my thoughts for quite a while after reading this last Saturday.

  11. Avatar musicgirl

    very dark and beautiful. I’d love to see a sequel to this.

  12. Avatar 32 ^2

    Stories like this, is why I’m here.

  13. Avatar Rodney Alexander

    wow. I had to read this 2 or 3 times to let it all sink in. You really captured a powerful moment here, and painted it for us brilliantly

  14. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    I liked the ending. I felt like the beginning was a little rocky with the inserted line about the smoke, or maybe that last sentence starting with “And” threw me. Overall, solid, gut-wrenching stuff, so definitely within your usual mien.

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