No Crap Today, Possibility of Later Crap

Ahfl_icon Author: THX 0477 Dr. Tim's Neurotic Rules of Ficly Life [Disclaimer: This is not intended to be binding nor in any way an expectation of general members of Ficly, league members, family members or wearers of Member's Only jackets] ... Read Bio

As his partner snapped the outdated cell phone shut Herb Melcher flinched. It was a tiny noise in the midst of the spattering rain and passing cars. All the same, he knew what it meant.

“Herb,” the younger detective pronounced, “We’re golden. Warrant’s good. We kick in this door, charge upstairs and catch half a dozen of the city’s most wanted red handed. Epic, my man!”

Bleary eyes rolled to acknowledge the news. Overcoat scratching across the rough bricks, Herb turned to snort, hack, and gag up more phlegm than he thought one person could produce in a 5 minute interval. An unholy mess ejected to the wet, dirty sidewalk, he turned to offer his partner a shrug.

“Herb,” the younger persisted, “Aren’t you stoked? This is huge!”

“Frankly, Glen, I don’t give a crap.” All the same, Herb unholstered his .45 and chambered a round, “But I know in a week or so I will give a crap. So let’s do this. Wait, one sec.”

It was his partner’s turn to flinch as Herb expelled more glop onto the unyielding brick.

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Comments (4 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Tad Winslow

    Your title made me laugh… I’d love to hear a meteorologist say that during the weekly forecast.

    For some reason, I don’t know why, I think I’m better off for having read about this hocked upon brick. Your stuff always gets me thinking a little deeper than I intend to no matter the content. Case in point here.

  2. Avatar airborne

    Haha loved this piece, the characterization and use of 3rd person is fantastic.

  3. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Cold and Flu season is terrible. Let me guess, he’s used all his sick days on his very young child..

  4. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    I agree with Tad – tis a hilarious title. Indeed illness is a cruel force of this world. Very amusing little piece. And cheerful for some absurd reason. I like =)

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