Ficly

psychodrama

where am I now
it’s like I wove myself so many lies and half truths
I don’t know what’s real anymore
I’m such a good actor I can’t tell when I’m acting anymore
what am I doing with my life
I feel like I dramatize everything
nothing I do is as terrible or epic as I make it out to be
I’m not as depressed as I pretend to be
or am I
or is it
no one can ever know
because I don’t even know
I’m happier than I know I am
and I’m more depressed than you know I am
why do I do this
once again I just want to
erase
my memory
and start all over again
because I just want to feel what I feel
and not what I want to feel
and not what I think I should feel
and not what you want me to feel
and not what everyone else feels
and not what I think god wants me to feel
I just want to be me again
in thought
mind
and spirit

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