Pantsing the Naked Singularity

Avatar Author: Kevin Lawver This time, it's mostly Jason's fault. He's the one who convinced me that we couldn't just leave well enough alone. He got the designers to donate their time, and wrote all the HTML, CSS and 95% of the javascript. I did... Read Bio

“How do you plan on killing death, then?”

“Have you heard of a ‘naked singularity’?”

“Umm, no. Do I want to?”

“Yes. It’s a black hole that’s built up so much hydrogen around it that it nullifies the whole ‘sucking everything into it that passes the event horizon’ thing, you know, like that bad Disney movie… only this stops it.”

“What does that have to do with killing Death?”

“You’re not very bright sometimes, Jeron. We have to do two things. First, we find Death. No small feat, but I think I know where to start. I got this book from an old Chinese guy… but that’s a different story. Second, we throw so much life at Death that we basically nullify him and turn him into a naked singularity.”

“I get it. This is why you don’t have any friends, Kyle. You’re basically saying we’re going to go on a murderous rampage, sacrificing all manner of flora and fauna into Death’s gaping maw – and you’re being completely serious.”

“Yep. What can go wrong? It’s foolproof!”

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Comments (25 so far!)

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  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Certainly follows the bizarreness of the original. Not sure I like the dark turn, but a story about Death is bound to go a little dark, right. I mean, no musical comedies floating around out there about death…unless you count Bill and Ted’s Bogus Adventure.

  2. Amj Lone Writer

    I’ve read neither the prequel nor the sequel, (yet) but this had me rolling on the floor laughing. :D

  3. Avatar Stovohobo

    I think I might need to read a few more times to get the logic. Good job carrying on with the same style of dialogue and characterization THX started with.

  4. Avatar The Note Writer

    Ummm…… What movie?

  5. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. They have a goofy series of challenges with Death so they can come back to earth. It’s tres silly.

  6. Avatar Textual Phoenix

    First, Kevin, a great follow-up to what THX started.

    Second, bonus points for referencing one of my all time favourite movies (even if your character did call it “bad”). ;-)

  7. Avatar Alexa Reed (LoA)

    I liked Bill & Ted (the first more than the second, but still) and actually I often think of the line when they first get to Hell and one of them says, “Dude, we’ve been totally lied to by our album covers.”

    (It really doesn’t matter which one says that.)

    Anyway, I liked this, and I think that the title being an idea from Bill & Ted proves that you liked the movie too.

  8. Avatar Trench Affair

    Most of the popular stories get 5/5 everytime. Do you think you get lower ratings because of your fat eyes?

  9. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    It could be, but I like to think it’s because I’m tolerant of others’ faults and flaws.

  10. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    Oh, and it’s never good to mock the guy with root access.

  11. Avatar Trench Affair

    You get lower ratings because you’re tolerant? I don’t remember mocking you.

  12. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    “Fat eyes” isn’t a little insulting? Granted, it’s not the best insult I’ve ever heard, but it certainly wasn’t constructive criticism about my writing.

  13. Avatar Trench Affair

    Oh i just thought that’s way you guys talk. It was a comment/question. It’s not the insult I’ve ever heard, but it certainly wasn’t about my writing.

  14. Avatar Trench Affair

    What does naked singularity mean?

  15. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    A naked singularity is a black hole that’s gather so much hydrogen around it that the hydrogen forms a “bubble” around it and it no longer pulls everything around it into it. It’s a fairly recently observed thing… I love the name and the idea that you can basically throw so much hydrogen at a black hole that it gets “clogged”.

  16. Avatar Trench Affair

    haha like a toilet. big dead toilet.

  17. Avatar Trench Affair

    I offer a truce. A deuce truce.

  18. Avatar Druhim

    That’s not what a naked singularity is. A naked singularity is merely a singularity that lacks an event horizon. There’s debate as to whether naked singularities are even possible, but then there’s still debate as to whether black holes actually exist.

  19. Avatar Druhim

    If you want to actually read some credible information regarding current theory about naked singularities, here’s a pretty accessible article.

  20. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    Well, that’ll teach me to repeat what I’d heard without verifying it… Thanks for the link!

  21. Avatar Druhim

    No prob!

  22. Avatar Brian Gefrich

    This isn’t related to your story, sorry, but Druhim, you have done me proud here today.

    As for the story, it is an interesting concept, and I think you set it up in such a way as to allow for some great stories to build off of it. However, it does read like the script to a webcomic. I really don’t feel like I know who the characters are that much.

    For the compliment sandwich, it did make me laugh.

  23. Avatar Xanathael

    Good setup, very clever!

  24. Avatar stargazer1960

    I teach a class called “physics and science fiction” I can very much appreciate the humor. Kind of MacGyver’s approach to immortality.

  25. Avatar GATH

    realy? make a better 1 this is pretty bad

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