Trees

Avatar Author: Shamaliane I hate how my mind plays tricks on me in the dark. I love the smell of the cold. but not the feel of it. I love smiles. though I don't do it nearly enough. I'm hungry. Read Bio

The memory of you is clinging to me
like the snow
on so many trees rooted
to the ground, alive
but going nowhere. Sometimes
I forget I’m not those trees, waiting
for the spring, or to be
chopped down. Or maybe
I’m just moving at the rate
Of snowfall. Today I might have been pregnant
with an idea, a moment
I long to get back to, but I’m scared
to even roll down the window.

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Comments (17 so far!)

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  1. Avatar RoseTone ~LoA~

    Does the idea have to do with the memory? I really like this piece – very wintery and reflective. Nice job and welcome to Ficly!

  2. Avatar Jim Stitzel

    Very nice visuals with the snowfall. Now I’m cold…

  3. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    Welcome to ficly!! =) I’m very interested in the story behind this piece – it’s very descriptive, emotional and beautiful but there’s obviously a tale that led to the moment.

    I liked the use of comparison. Being the trees, moving at the rate of snowfall. It linked the subjects together in a way that makes it work very well as a whole piece (or else I would have suggested splitting it into verses.)

    The last point on fear was particularly poignant for me – so often we’re held back from doing what we want by that obstacle of fear. Sometimes we can push through it, sometimes not…

    Thanks very much for entering the challenge, and for all the comments so far. =)

  4. Avatar Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)

    Welcome to ficly! The imagery here is fantastic!

  5. Avatar Robert Quick

    Welcome to Ficly! Rolling down the window suggests a car. I can’t think of any other windows that really roll down. That fact gives everything that came before it new context. Great imagery. I envy your ability to evoke feelings.

  6. Avatar Emilou

    I like how you put the line breaks in the sentences, making the reader slow down a bit and savor every bit of imagery. :)

  7. Avatar Stovohobo

    Wonderfully melancholy and reflective tone—Emilou’s right about the savory bits. “Pregnant with an idea” and “Or maybe/I’m just moving at the rate/Of snowfall” (that part was like slow motion, a moment of reflection right in the middle) stuck out to me the most—the whole poem just had a wintery starkness that made me want to drink hot chocolate and listen to Bon Iver.

    It starts from experience, moves to metaphor, and brings us back to the manmade concrete world with the window.

  8. Avatar boxofun

    You did a great job evoking these feelings, very wintery and melancholic. I enjoyed the contrast between the narrator feeling stuck in place and the fact that they’re in a (presumably moving?) vehicle. I must say, though, I’m not sure how the idea fits in. At any rate, I like the story!

  9. Avatar Riley

    I like this very much so. It’s a bit depressing, though I think that just might be me…

    Ah, well, I like it.

  10. Avatar Tad Winslow

    It puts the brr in brrisk. Sorry. That was totally cheesy. I like the simile of you and the tree very much. Definitely a poem about trying to move on from things that happened in the past, and in reflecting on your current state finding familiarity in the frozen form of a tree. It’s simple and yet deep. The more I think about it the more I like it.

    There are so many amazing stories in this challenge, and yours is no different. I’m in awe of everyone’s ability on this site. More often than not there’s no place I’d rather be than surrounded by all of you ficly folks.

  11. Avatar Timbertoesa

    From the very first words, “The memory of you is clinging to me”, I was made to pay attention. My very favorite place in this work, however, was here: “Sometimes/I forget I’m not those trees, waiting/for the spring, or to be/chopped down.”

    Beautiful and melancholy and cold. I love it.

  12. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Lovely poem and very effective use of hte tree metaphor for a solid and multifaceted description of how this person feels. “Pregnant with an idea” hit with good force for some reason, so good word choice there.

  13. Avatar ethelthefrog

    Stark and lonely. Very cold. Lovely imagery.

  14. Avatar Shamaliane

    Thanks for all the kind words! You guys rock!

  15. Avatar Demi Beneke

    Lovely imagery and the feeling of memory or reflection

  16. Avatar Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars

    “Or maybe/I’m just moving at the rate/Of snowfall” really jumped out at me. What a nice turn of phrase. Beautiful.

  17. Avatar H.S. Wift

    You took a really interesting approach to your format here. When you break lines in a poem, you have the choice of either capitalising each line, or conversely, not. You chose the latter, so it annyoed me that the ‘Of’ was capitalised towards the end. Other than that, I agree with the consensus of the community, a well written, interesting piece, that evoked some great imagery and emotions.

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