Ficly

Pure Abandon

I am not a cow’s teat,
you thirsty cowboy,
so stop twisting my English, Language!
Woof, I shall languish in anguish here
Meow, be a dear, before your foreign ear
takes “fetch some ice” and mashes
it into “wrench it twice” just let me catch my breath

You really cracked my eggnog,
My nutmegs hurt you jerk…
Ouch, oh, just go home,
leave me alone… please
You’ve rung my jingly bell,
wrung my jiggly jello,
strung my stringy cello,
Now I beg you, please, go, let me wallow till tomorrow
you, um, whatever your sexual gender is…
Mister? Prefer Sir? Sister? Miss mistletoe kisser? Double dipper? Dolphin flipper? Androgynous lawn gnome in a gloaming buttercup of purity? Whatever in the sparkly hell you are I don’t want to see your mustached mug creeping near my teepee hut anymore, understood?!

(excessive bleating)

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